GayMormonMan PriesthoodMen

LDS Church--Responce to Calf decision

2012-02-07T16:07:00.000-07:00

Email Print 07 February 2012 — Salt Lake City

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued the following statement today regarding the decision on Proposition 8 by a federal appeals court in California:

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regrets today’s decision. California voters have twice determined in a general election that marriage should be recognized as only between a man and a woman. We have always had that view. Courts should not alter that definition, especially when the people of California have spoken so clearly on the subject.

Millions of voters in California sent a message that traditional marriage is crucial to society. They expressed their desire, through the democratic process, to keep traditional marriage as the bedrock of society, as it has been for generations.

We recognize that this decision represents a continuation of what has been a vigorous public debate over the rights of the people to define and protect the fundamental institution of marriage. There is no doubt that today’s ruling will intensify the debate in this country. We urge people on all sides of this issue to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility toward those with a different opinion.

The latest stance on Homosexuality by the LDS Church

2012-01-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

I was there in the conference center when President Boyd K. Packer was brought out on his wheel chair for the commemoration of 100 years of seminary. Watching him get set up, and watching the care with which he was assisted, I had two thoughts that I am slightly embarrassed to admit to.

The first was that the brethren assign him difficult topics because he may be not long for this world with his advanced age they would rather blame any harshness or insensitivity on him.
My second thought was that maybe it is just old school to say what he thinks, and Boyd K packer certainly does. The “oh, that’s just Elder Packer.” Has been used plenty to “excuse his brashness.

Getting ready to choose his sexual preference?

I often wonder whether that was said of Lehi – certainly his wife said it in 1^st Nephi chapter 5. Visionary it was called. Until he was proved right. It may take a bit longer for history to prove that Elder Packer was right.

I was not surprised to hear him take on “Gender issues.” Regardless of the topic, he seems to bring gender issues to the fore front, and frankly I am glad that he does. I want them talked about in the church. I may or may not agree with everything the church publicly states on the subject, but I am thrilled when it is brought up in a way that can’t be ignored—like in the conference center live to thousands of young men and women and their parents.

"You cannot lie or cheat or steal or act immorally and have those (spiritual) channels remain free from disruption," he said – parentheses added. "Do not go where the environment resists spiritual communication. You must learn to seek the power and direction that is available to you, and then follow that course no matter what."

So far, so good.

Sharing a "to do" list with the youth, President Packer described things individuals can do in their lives to have the direction of the spirit. He spoke about prayer, following the word of wisdom and keeping one's body clean. He also spoke of the importance of staying morally clean and the eternal nature of gender.

"This matter of gender is of great concern to the Brethren, as are all matters of morality," he said.

Here we go.

"A few of you may have felt or been told that you were born with troubling feelings and that you are not guilty if you act on those temptations. Doctrinally we know that if that were true, your agency would have been erased, and that cannot happen. You always have a choice to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost and live a morally pure and chaste life, one filled with virtue. …

"You have ... agency. Use it wisely to deny acting on any impure impulse or unholy temptation that may come into your mind," President Packer said.

"The key word is discipline — self discipline," he said. "The word discipline comes from the word disciple or follower. Be a disciple/follower of the Savior and you will be safe."
He was clear to iterate that sex between those unmarried “members of either gender” is wrong, and “is a standard of the church that will not change.”

Well, I agree with him—which doesn’t make for very interesting blogging. I would, personally like to change the wording slightly, but only slightly, and it may not be an issue at all depending on how you look at it. I will explain my POV.

It has to do with this thought of his: “A few of you may have felt or been told that you were born with troubling feelings and that you are not guilty if you act on those temptations. Doctrinally we know that if that were true, your agency would have been erased, and that cannot happen.”

One of my feelings is that I was born with the inclinations of being gay (same sex/gender attracted, with homosexual inclinations, whatever wording you choose.) I don’t remember ever choosing to whom I was sexually attracted. Most of the SGAttracted folk I know do not remember their sexual preference as a choice they made. Like the straight folk, it seems to be innate. I prefer girls. I prefer guys.

Yes, it may have been nurture—I fit into just about every stereotypical family mess that has been presented as the “Cause” of Homosexuality. If these were my environment before an age of accountability, then is there agency involved? Or is the agency activated when I decide where to go from that point on? Once I realized that I was attracted to my same gender, and it is too late to be born into another environment, there are choices to be made. Agency.

So I differ somewhat in the thinking that there is one cookie cutter and that we all came from that exact standard. There is too much personality and individuality, and we know so little about genetics and gender to make a ruling. Is it possible that someone is born with the inclination to prefer one gender over the other? I think yes.

Does this negate agency? No.

In the first place, I can still choose who I have sex with. In the second place, and more to President Packers point, I may have been given the opportunity to ok any challenges or personality issues that the Lord saw fit to bestow upon me in the pre-earth life. We agreed to come to earth to get bodies and to make choices that would bring us back to heavenly father.

The assumption by many is that our choices and our agency began after we were born. I say they started before that.

Hot seat for teacher? Teen outed

2011-12-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

A middle school administration was briefly in the hot seat after it “outed” a student as being gay. The assistant principal contacted parents of the boy after his teacher came to the office with concerns over the boys safety.

Spokeswoman for the school district, Rhonda Bromley told reporters that the students in a class at Willowcreek Middle School in Lehi had been assigned to create an advertisement about themselves that would hang on the classroom wall. This 14-year-old student's ad was about him being gay.

“The teacher asked the student if he wanted his ad put up on the wall with the rest of the class. He said yes. School officials then worried the student was a potential target for bullying because of negative comments overheard in the hallway.” Said Bromley.

"When there started to be a little bit of a negative response to that, the administration called him in and got involved," Bromley said.

"The assistant principal spoke to the student and discovered the student's parents did not know about his sexual orientation. The assistant principal decided it was important to let the boy's parents know about their concerns over bullying.

"In that case, it's absolutely important that we include parents any time there is a safety issue that has to do with the student. It's the responsibility of the school to include the parent," Bromley said.

On Dec. 7 the parents were called in for a meeting with the assistant principal, which the student did not attend.

At about this same time, said the report, a Face book page was created with the student's name, saying he was outed by the school to his parents. It also said he had been suspended for being gay. Bromley says the school did not suspend the boy, but his parents decided to keep him home.

So, I tried to go on face book and get some information. There is, nothing available to me on face book, which, I must say, pleased me no end. Of course, these people are underage, so without knowing their names, there should be no way to access this. So far so good.

I wondered why a face book page was created in the first place and I came up with two reasons. The first is the old fashioned paranoid response of "gay is wrong--get him out of the school". The second is that someone was trying to be proactive and make the public aware that a possible miss justice situation was brewing for this kid. If that is the case, then one can forgive, and kudos for someone for trying to make others aware.

Fact is I don't know which.

The Alpine school district and middle school itself have received quite a few angry communications based on the fact that people have assumed that the kid was "in trouble," which is not true, Bromley said.

The district defends the way the incident was handled, saying the boy had made his sexual orientation public at school and educators had an obligation to let parents know about potential bullying and safety concerns.

"We need to step in and do whatever it takes to make these students feel safe," Bromley said.

"If it's happening at school, we have the responsibility to include the parents and let them know what's going on so they, too, can do what they can to keep an eye on things at home, so they can help that student feel support and safe, not just at school but when they are at home, as well," she said.

Romney Grilled By Veteran On Same-Sex Marriage

2011-12-13T18:06:00.002-07:00

A Vietnam veteran took a bite out of GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney at a campaign stop in a New Hampshire cafe on Monday. Romney approached Bob Garon, a gay man seated at the Chez Vachon restaurant, taking note of the man's hat which was indicated the man was former Military.

"A Vietnam veteran!" Romney said, and took a seat at the gentleman's booth, which he was sharing with his husband.

Garon's first question was about New Hampshire's gay marriage law. Garon asked the presidential candidate if he supported repealing state legislation, which currently allows same-sex couples to get married.

"I support the repeal of the New Hampshire law," Romney responded. "I believe marriage is between a man and a woman. That's my view."

Garon responded, "It's good to know how you feel, that you do not believe everyone is entitled to their constitutional rights,"

"No, actually, I think at the time the Constitution was written it was pretty clear that marriage is between a man and a woman," Romney replied. "And I don't believe the Supreme Court has changed that."

Romney has said throughout the early stages of his presidential campaign that same-sex marriage was a state issue before announcing his support for a constitutional amendment banning such unions.

The Associated Press report on Romney's cafe stop claimed that an aide then tried to pull Romney from the conversation because the candidate "had another interview with Fox News Channel.

"Oh, I guess the question was too hot," Garon replied, at which point Romney said he had given Garon a yes or no answer as requested.

Garon said to reporters that he had married his husband in June, and had done so "in New Hampshire, where it's legal. Unless Mitt Romney gets elected."

Circle in the Square

2011-12-01T17:10:00.004-07:00

I must be living in a hole.

Apparently I missed a three-day conference for LGBTQ and same-sex attraction Mormons, on sexuality and religion in Salt Lake City, Utah, several weekends ago.

Quick non-side-bar side-bar -- I have tried to focus my learning of spiritual things to what is available in the church. I have felt that there is safety in sticking to the side I feel is right. Obviously, I haven't scratched the surface of current knowledge available. I also have experienced the spirit bearing witness to me on a few subjects, and I know of the veracity of learning through the spirit.

In my reading, I was blown away the other day by a "civilian book" on a civilian subject. I didn't agree with what was being represented, but it opened my mind to a new idea, which in turn affected (read strengthened, clarified, what have you,) what I thought I already knew. It sufficeth to say, for now, that when I hear of a gathering of people claiming to seek and share knowledge, I pay more attention now than I used to even a week before.

The event, which attracted more than 300 participants of varying faiths, was sponsored by Mormon Stories and the Open Stories Foundation, organizations with no official affiliation with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, according to the Deseret News.

I looked them up. So far "them" is a "he" who states that he is a member of the LDS church in good standing, and yes, this is important to me.

The conference sported the name “Circling the Wagons” which I think is appropriate for the issue and for the roots - at least in name - of the organization sponsoring it. Featured speakers were various clergy, therapists, artists and writers who tried to create a place to "gather to acknowledge, explore and honor shared experiences."

The conference was created for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and same-sex attracted persons and their families who had a background in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The Deseret News was clear to report that “Homosexuality isn't supported by the LDS Church, but the church reportedly strives to "understand and respect" those with same-sex attractions.”

Featured was a speech from Kevin Kloosterman, an LDS bishop from Illinois.

"I began to see the emotional wounds and scars that many of you have today, and I began to ask, 'Where did you get these wounds?' And the answer, unfortunately, was in the house of my friends. And when I felt that answer, I grieved and wept as any parent would for their own child," he said.

Again, I know little about the Mormon Stories Organization. On its website, Mormon Stories states that it is “an internet blog and podcast (i.e. radio/TV show) created in 2005 by John Dehlin. Inspired by Terry Gross - Fresh Air, and Charlie Rose, Mormon Stories seeks to "interview interesting people about Mormon-related current events, issues, media and culture.”

In the podcasts FAQ’s, there is a short essay by Dehlin who records his background with the LDS church.

From what I read, volunteers participated in recorded segments for the "It Gets Better Project," a popular video campaign aimed at young adults who are harassed because of their sexuality – a project I have long admired.

As far as “by their fruits ye shall know them” goes, (unfortunate, unavoidable pun that always makes me giggle) this organization seems to be, by definition, “good” -- promoting understanding, respect, and the gaining of knowledge.

If anyone has experience with the conference or the Mormon Stories organization, feel free to comment.

Communication, gentlemen!

2011-11-27T18:25:00.001-07:00

With kid drama, parent drama, ward and neighbor drama beating us over the head, sometimes being able to voice a concern is crucial. Communication is key.

And not sinking. Not sinking is good as well.

Thanksgiving Gratatude

2011-11-26T00:02:00.000-07:00

This is a short note in blog land. First, I wanted to create a place where we could all vent without repercussions later on in church. So here is mine. Today I heard a talk made by a predominant woman in the church saying she is heart sick for children being raised by homosexuals. She showed us pictures... This was my first "have to scream" moment of the holidays. I wanted to show her a photo taken yesterday of my own daughter raising her child in a drug house near Palisades drive in Orem with eight guys, several mothers thirteen children and a whole lot of dope going around.

Anyone else have a rant to get off your chest? Here is a place you can vent if things arn't going so well with family and friends, or if you just need to blow up at someone. Say it here. This blog spot used to be used by many place ,but not as much anymore, so say what you have to say under anonymous nook and use a Book of Mormon Name to stay anonymous and we'll understand.

How can we , as a people get so judgmental during the holidays? Isn't it time to make amends if only for a few days in the name of family past or present - maybe even future.

Prophets quoted "disgusting sin we can't accept"

2011-11-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

The Daily Universe, the offical daily publication of the Brigham Young University campus, published onto its website a letter entitled “Crimes against Nature,” in which a BYU student compared gay parenting to prostituting or serial killing.

“Just as if we wouldn’t want a child to grow up with a prostitute for a mother or a serial killer for a father, we shouldn’t accept a lesbian, gay or transgender parental model for young people,” stated Taylor Petty, from Raleigh, N.C., in the November 17 issue. “As prophets have said for four thousand years, sodomy is a disgusting sin we can’t accept.”

Petty’s letter caused an uproar among BYU lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students and their supporters. In the wake of critical response to the letter, flyer's were placed inside copies of the Nov. 18 issue of the Daily Universe. Criticism of Petty’s letter appear in the Student Review, an established off campus paper, and later in the Daily Universe.

From the flyer: “Gay students are in every classroom, every ward and every apartment complex at BYU and we want to reach out in love to help you better understand. The attitude represented by these articles reopens wounds that Christ died to heal. …The task of any religion is not to teach us who we are entitled to hate, but who we are required to love.”

“Regardless of your opinions on gay adoption and parenting, words like [Pattti’s] are unproductive, offending those that disagree and failing to bring legitimacy to your argument,” wrote Hunter Schwartz in the Student Review.

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World also states parents should rear their children in love and righteousness, provide for their physical and spiritual needs and teach them to love and serve one another, to name a few,” wrote Jordan Meservy in the Daily Universe.

Late Friday, November 18, Daily Universe managing editor Joel Campbell ordered the letter to be removed from the Daily Universe website.

“The Daily Universe has removed the letter originally published here after several readers complained about its tone and approach to homosexuality,” Campbell wrote on the new webpage in place of the letter. “We agree that the letter did not represent the standards of our sponsoring institution or our university community including the recent statement in the LDS Church Handbook of Instruction: ‘While opposing homosexual behavior, the Church reaches out with understanding and respect to individuals who are attracted to those of the same gender.’ The letter published in the Daily Universe did not represent the kind of understanding and respect that should accompany dialog on this issue. We regret that the letter was ever published.”

Thanksgiving Food For Thought - Republished

2011-11-11T01:16:00.000-07:00

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Rugby jock says stroke turned him gay

By Ryan Jaslow

(CBS) Strokes can have strange consequences. Some stroke victims wind up with different accents, others with different personalities. Chris Birch said he discovered he was gay when he woke up after a stroke.

The 26-year-old Welshman suffered a stroke after breaking his neck while attempting a back flip at a gym, The Daily Mail reported. His then-fiancée and family stayed by his side, but when he woke, something had changed.

"It sounds strange, but when I came round I immediately felt different," Birch told the paper. "I wasn't interested in women any more. I was definitely gay. I had never been attracted to a man before - I'd never even had any gay friends."

Before the stroke, Birch was a banker who loved playing rugby, watching sports, and drinking beer with his buds. After the stroke, he found he had little in common with his blokes, quit his job to train as a hairdresser, and started dating a man.

"I went back to my job in the bank and tried hard to fit back into things but it didn't seem right anymore," Birch told The Mirror last month. "Suddenly, I hated everything about my old life. I didn't get on with my friends, hated sport, and found my job boring."

He also focused more on his appearance, lost a lot of weight - and became more confident.

Birch's neurologist told him the changes in his personality could be from the stroke "opening up" a different part of his brain, according to the Daily Mail.

What do experts have to say - can a stroke really turn you gay?

Dr. Ira G. Rashbaum, professor of rehabilitation medicine and chief of stroke rehab at NYU Langone Medical Center, wouldn't speculate on this specific case since he wasn't involved in Birch's care, but he told CBS News that it's quite common to see personality changes in patients following a stroke.

Rashbaum said some recovering stroke patients might experience anxiety, depression, or difficulties paying attention. In some cases if a stroke affects the brain's frontal lobe - which controls inhibition - a previously quiet person might become angrier, suddenly telling others off.

But a full-blown personality change?

"This is a more rare circumstance, certainly not a common thing" he told CBS News. He added that profound personality changes usually aren't permanent following rehabilitation with a team that might include psychologists and social workers.

Joe Korner, director of communications for The Stroke Association in the U.K., told CBS News in an email that he's never personally heard of a stroke changing someone's sexuality, but he doesn't doubt the stroke had some impact on Birch's life.

"Strokes are traumatic, life-changing experiences, which can make you reassess life and your feelings so perhaps that's the reason behind it," Korner said. "Whether or not the stroke turned Chris gay, or whether he was gay anyway but unaware of it, his experience seems to be a positive one, which is great."

US passes law allowing SGA couples to marry - PART TWO

2011-11-01T23:18:00.001-06:00

Continued from last blog, US passes law allowing SGA couples to marry

Who is it we are talking about when we speak of those who oppose human rights for all? Why does the LDS church pop up in these discussions?

Recently I finished the novel, The Help, which I followed up with Crazy in Alabama and now I am re-reading To Kill a Mockingbird. In these books that focus on civil rights, sometimes there are clear lines drawn and one grouping of people is placed on one side and another is placed on side two. Good here, bad there. Also contained are written characters who are conflicted, or don’t know what to think. They open their doors to all in an emergency, but would rather keep the status quo if given their druthers (love that word.)

To lump Latter-day Saints together in any of these characterizations is misguided and inaccurate.

Sometimes what is not said in a church meeting is said over the back fence, or on an anonymous note in a blog. Some are closet liberals and others are more conservative than they want you to know. Others say, lets talk turkey. What is the truth here?, and I mean, everybody’s truth. I would like to take some time to hear it all and allow readers the same opportunity.

Based on doctrine, and based on fruits – or results (better said for this blog) - the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been moderate on the subject of equal rights – all things included: slower than the norm with blacks and the priesthood and “not currently” on the women and the priesthood, but fast in every other way.

The LDS church has a policy of not differentiating between OSA and SSA - has even published its say. Culturally, status, class, background, education,etc. It is commonly believed the church actually seeks out poorer, and the ethnically diverse.

Yet, the LDS church has come out against Gay marriage by its declaration of marriage being between a man and a woman.

But look at these several statements. There is no question about sexual preference in the temple recommend questions.

The LDS church believes in being morally clean,. Yet there is a strong support group established – and on the Church payroll – for pregnant mothers and their partners, with choices not as conservative as many think.

Latter-day Saints believe in the word of wisdom, and yet, once again, there are well established programs for alcoholics or those who drink, smokers, drug addict and casual users. At every turn there is a way in the LDS church to deal with problems that have arisen for a magnitude of reasons.

It believes in being honest in every interaction, yet church meetings are held in jails and prisons in areas of substantial LDS population.

It asks the members to have temple recommends, and has classes and assistance to get members from A to B.

Does anyone who has had interaction with the Church believe that Homosexuals would be left high and dry – without assistance or support simply because of the belief that marriage is between a man and a woman? Does the LDS church currently support/assist families of every makeup and means? The answer is yes.

The question then, understanding church policy and procedure, is not necessarily one of why the church gays can't marry in the LDS church, but why, when push came to shove, the LDS church during a state election came out in support of man/women marriage only - essentially casting a "no" vote for gay marriage.

And, is the assumption that the LDS church was speaking politically for its members individually or collectively, or both?

Or is there a greater question? What say you, reader?

US passes law allowing SGA couples to marry

2011-10-29T20:29:00.002-06:00

That’s the headline so many are looking for. They are looking for marriage equality rights for all. Marriage at that point would not be an issue for the states to decide or confirm. A new national law would allow Gay men or Lesbian woman to marry – with all the rights and privileges that come with what was previously a standard marriage

A relative of mine says that the best way to get Gays and Lesbians to back off on their desire for marriage is to give it to them - to make it lawful for them to have what straight folk have had forever. Having what they want, he explains, they then will back off because “marriage ain’t all that”. (After many years of joking, it starts to get old and one wonders [meaning me] if he is really serious about marriage. One also wonders [still me] what he would say if he knew that some gay Mormon guy married his daughter with full disclosure.) Stuff to wonder.

A short sidebar as I am wondering; along this same line, there have been pacifying jokes made concerning women and the priesthood. The point was presented that women should quit complaining about holding the priesthood because they “get to hold the priesthood every night – when her man gets home”. It could be that I am sensitive to these issues as I have many sisters, mothers daughters and a wife, and I hear some of the expressed and unexpressed feelings of their heart. This “yarn” and those like it – regardless of their well meant attempt - minimize others and their feelings and are equally placating as far as I am concerned.

Jokes and bars aside, lets create a question train – one question that naturally leads to another, starting with this one.

What could we expect from a new law that allows for same sex couples to marry, and how would such a law affect Latter-day Saints? Isn’t that after all the reason we vote for, or concern ourselves with issues how it may affect us and those we love? Those with gay friends and relatives are often on the “Marriage for all” train because they see that side of the issue. Those without gay friends of relatives may not have that side personally explained, and are on the Between a man and a woman” side. Many look at both sides and are undecided, or are conflicted. One friend of mine said “ I want my friends to be able to get married because I know they are for real. But on the whole? I just am not convinced that they are serious.

Others question why some are allowed to dole out the rights for others. “The only one that can make that kind of commitment (to Marry) are those marring. It is not my place to judge.”

Let’s start with the law itself. Mormons (and I mean card-carrying Mormons) believe in honoring and sustaining law, in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying the law - as per Article of Faith 12 . We, and I include myself as a card-carrying Mormon, also enjoy being part of the lawmaking process and allow/expect others to do the same.

There are times when the LDS people made an exception to the law. When Polygamy was outlawed there was a period where several Mormon men went into hiding to protect their established families rather than leave them or abandon them. These brief exceptions however, prove the law.

The United States, with this new law, would allow those that are SGAttracted to marry. However, Latter-day Saints won’t allow anyone who is not living a chaste lifestyle to enter into temple marriage - not even a man and a woman who are members.

As an example, we allow that people drink alcohol, but we don’t allow for alcohol consumption for ourselves. In fact, many in heavily Mormon areas vote for, and encourage lawmakers to keep alcohol sales to a minimum as many majority groups influence lawmakers in their area and they don’t want alcohol around them – even if they don’t imbibe.

If the law allows for gay civil unions, the LDS church and its card caring members would not participate directly. Would they participate as friends and family? Would they attend, or wish well? Of coerce.

Would the church allow a civil marriage to take place on church grounds? My father upon his third marriage was married in a chapel because his new wife was a widower – previously married to a man “in the covenant”. They are not sealed. Would we allow those SGAttracted to marry this way as well?

The 11th Article of Faith states "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

Mormons would follow that admonition. Would the rest of the nation allow us our beliefs? Would it be that simple? - End part one

Favorite Conference Talk - SGA Related

2011-10-04T17:57:00.000-06:00

OK, get this. My favorite talk of the October General LDS Conference compared my life to the Titanic.

Well, not my life exactly, but pain and suffering and all the things I think I am quite familiar with. Frankly, there have been times when I equated being gay with pain and suffering. Birthdays, new years resolutions, pleas in the temple - all focused on some how god reversing the gay thing. It was the only focus of my life. And I think I missed out on so many other things because I was caught up in my being same gender attracted. Though those days are behind me. And though I have other things to worry about currently, I still got so much out of Quintin L. Cooks talk.

Ok, it's a little funny

Titanic thing aside, he spoke of enduring, and that sometimes what we see as a tragedy, in the big picture, is something helpful to our souls. Here are a few quotes that I love.

"...those that appear disadvantaged through no fault of their own are not ultimately penalized."

"...all wrongs will be righted and we will see with perfect clarity and faultless perspective and understanding."

"Righteous, prayer and faith will not always result in Happy Endings. In mortality, many will experience severe trials."

This thought may be where the titanic logically comes into the picture., but he ends the talk with...

"The atonement covers all the unfairness of life."

Here is the link to his talk if you are interested - special bonus - you don't even have to read!
http://lds.org/general-conference/watch/2011/10?lang=eng&vid=1196103073001&cid=10

This is neither here nor there, but I got the chance to sing in the priesthood session with an area priesthood chorus. There were 350 of us, so its not because of my excellent voice. But it was still cool to see the prophet and be a part of the meeting.

Here is the link: http://lds.org/general-conference/watch/2011/10?lang=eng&vid=1192646403001

Lightening up - a bit

2011-09-26T14:17:00.000-06:00

It's conference time. It didn’t sneak up on me this year because I have been rehearsing with the Priesthood Choir that will be singing in the Saturday PM, you guessed it, priesthood session.

Frankly I didn’t know if I could make it through the rehearsal process. I have aged a bit since I sang in choirs, and I used to have a rule that I would only be in good ones. As a MDT major at BYU that was an easy resolution to keep. I know how snotty that sounds, but when you have sung for prophets and presidents it’s hard to get excited about being the entire bass section. A little something dies. I want to keep it alive and remember back when I sounded good: a go-out-on-top sort of thing.

This Priesthood choir isn’t bad, and we get to sit behind some general authorities that I admire so much as well as the prophet. Plus, with 360 members I am not the only bass.

So I lightened up on the music/choir resolution a bit.

I have also lightened up a bit in something else I used to feel so strongly about. I used to feel that I had to broadcast my opinion of Gay/SGA rights so loudly that people had to either stand back or put ear plugs in. I think I was so brazen that people stopped listening to me.

I still think the same way – which gays/SGAs/homosexuals – whatever the popular label is these days - can thrive in the Mormon community. I am just not as in their face as I used to be. I would rather get the information out there and let them come to their own realizations. I can’t force anyone to do what I think is right regardless of how loud I yell or how cleaver I am in a blog.

I do feel that those SGAttracted can hold offices and can teach classes, and can use the priesthood power with the best of them. I wont pull back on that stance even if I turn the volume down a little

Another SGA/Gay Teen Suicide

2011-09-24T13:53:00.008-06:00

Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14year old from Buffalo, N.Y. added his own video to the “It Gets Better Project” last May - the Internet video site where adults share with LGBT teens, a minority likely to be bullied and that suffers a disproportionately high suicide rate.

On Monday, he was found dead outside his home, having apparently taken his own life.

"People would just keep sending me hate, telling me that gay people go to hell," Jamey Rodemeyer said in his video.

Predictably, the abuse Jamey reportedly suffered wasn't just in public school. On Formspring, an Internet outlet popular among adolescents, Jamey received such messages as “JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT AND UGLY. HE MUST DIE!” and “I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!”

When friends reported the Formspring taunts to their middle school counselor, according to Jamey's parents, bullies seemed to back off.

Jamey, who continued to write on both Tumblr and Formspring about the bullying he received for being perceived as homosexual had started high school three weeks earlier. His parents told local news that he seemed to be doing better. Suicide and bullying, however, remained at the forefront of Jamey's mind and in his writing.

On Sept. 8 he posted online about Suicide Prevention Week of September 4-10, "No one in my school cares about preventing suicide, while you're the ones calling me [gay slur] and tearing me down."

"I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens," he wrote the day after. "What do I have to do so people will listen to me?"

Both his family and friends were aware of Jamey's suicidal thoughts for some time. His mother told the Buffalo News, "He was totally against bullying. He has had issues since fifth grade. He had suicidal tendencies back then."

Although James was just 14 years old, and in retrospect, still in a bad place, this is the project to which he contributed his video, now viewed over 100,000 times since the time of his death.

For youth between the ages of 10 and 24, suicide is the third leading cause of death, according to the Centers for Disease Control – who also state that more young people survive suicide attempts than actually die.

"Each year, approximately 149,000 youth between the ages of 10 and 24 receive medical care for self-inflicted injuries at Emergency Departments across the U.S."

What happened to this young man was reprehensible. Gay suicide is hardly a new issue, and is certainly an issue that needs to be spoken about in LDS circles. Suicide happens to LDS as well. It happens to people who are going through very difficult personal times. And, if suicide has touched your life, either in your own thought or by the attempt or loss of a friend or a relative to suicide, please understand that you are not alone.

Here is a quick list of some warning signs of suicide – though certainly not conclusive:

Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain, about feeling hopeless or having no purpose, about being a burden to others
Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
Acting anxious, agitated or reckless
Sleeping too little or too much
Withdrawing or feeling isolated
Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
Displaying extreme mood swings
Actually looking for a way to kill oneself

The more of these signs a person shows, the greater the risk. Warning signs are associated with suicide but may not be what causes a suicide.

If someone you know exhibits warning signs of suicide:

Do not leave the person alone.
Possibly remove any obvious firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.
Seek help from a medical or mental health professional, another family member or church leader. Don’t just let someone sleep on it. Do something – let someone know, talk to the individual, take action, listen to the spirit.

Resources:

· Suicide hotlines by US state: http://suicidehotlines.com/

· US National suicide hotline: 1800 SUICIDE (1 800 784 2433) &;1-800-273-TALK (8255)

· Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14

· New Zealand suicide hotline: 1800 999 9999

· UK suicide hotline: 08457 90 91 92 or 08457 90 90 90

· Ireland suicide hotline: 1850 60 60 90

· Canada suicide hotline: 1800 273 TALK (1800 273 8255)

For online support for LGBT teens, visit:

The Trevor Project, a national 24-hour, toll free confidential suicide hotline for gay and questioning youth. www.thetrevorproject.org/

GLSEN: Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, an organization for students, parents, and teachers that tries to affect positive change in schools. www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/home/index.html

There is no resource specifically for suicidal teens from the LDS church that I know of. A call to LDS Social services was not returned – though I will update if more information is found.

http://digitallife.today.com/_news/2011/09/21/7879728-teen-contributor-to-it-gets-better-project-takes-his-own-life?GT1=43001

Happy Repeal Day

2011-09-19T18:25:00.002-06:00

The military says it is ready for the lifting Tuesday of a ban on gays serving openly, while supporters of repeal applaud the historic change as a victory for equal rights - as per an article in MSNBC.com http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44582200/ns/us_news-life/?gt1=43001#.TnfTpezwA7t

George Little, Pentagon press secretary, said on Monday that the U.S. military is prepared for the demise of the current "don't ask, don't tell," policy which allows homosexuals to serve in the military by not publicly acknowledging their sexual orientation.

President Barack Obama, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta, and Joint Chiefs chairman Adm. Mike Mullen have all certified that allowing openly gay service members will, in no way undermine the effectiveness of the military or its recruiting.

This repeal the current law takes effect at 12:01 a.m. EDT Tuesday. Commanders and comrades of those serving in the military were previously not allowed to ask about their sexual orientation, and they were not allowed to speak of it openly.

Oops. Wrong Repeal Day

For several months all military services have been accepting applications from openly gay recruits - waiting for repeal to take effect on Tuesday before beginning to process their applications.

Last week, spokesmen from the Pentagon stated that 97 percent of the military has undergone training to be ready for the new statute. Obama signed legislation in January of this year that did away with the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

The demise of the 18-year-old ban also will mean that all current investigations, discharges and other proceedings will be terminated. However, existing standards of personal conduct, such as public displays of affection, will continue to be disciplined regardless of sexual orientation.

Service members who were previously discharged under the original Clinton era "don't ask, don't tell" law will be allowed to re-enlist, and their applications will be given the same priority as those of any other with prior military experience seeking to re-enlist.

"Our nation will finally close the door on a fundamental unfairness for gays and lesbians, and indeed affirm equality for all Americans," said California Democrat Pelosi. (I cant believe I am quoting the woman. Surely she is allowed to do one good thing.)

Said Army veteran Aubrey Sarvis, "Through these events taking place in every state across the country, we will pay tribute to their service and sacrifice, honoring the contributions of all qualified Americans who have served and wish to serve."

Vanessa Willams and the Firsts

2011-08-22T14:06:00.000-06:00

First and second which was later first

I don’t have to fact-check this article. I saw it happen from the comfort of my parents living room.

I watched the Miss America Pageant when Vanessa Williams won. I remember the lavender dress and the tulle. I remember her singing happy days are here again – the old Barbra Streisand version. There was a big hubbub when she won because she was black and there had never been a black Miss America before. It ended up that year produced two black Miss Americas when Suzette Charles took her place.

The next year was another first. Sharlene Wells was a Mormon - Light blue dress with crystals on the shoulder. She sang in Spanish while she played the harp. The fist Mormon Miss Amercia.

I remember thinking that there were a whole lot of firsts going on. In my head I made up a few firsts of my own.

First Miss Congeniality that was half Filipino, half Eskimo, half Jehovah Witness, from Bozeman Montana.

First time that Miss America was crowned in a complete black-out.

First time that back to back, blond, singing Miss Oklahoma’s won. Okay, that was real.

So, what do we do when we run out of firsts? When we realize that a black Miss America is just as good as a tan one, or that the Mormon girl can do the job just as well as a Protestant or a Catholic?

The creating of the "firsts" list is our attempt to acknowledge, encourage and support the breaking down of barriers - like the first catholic president, or the first non BCS bowl national champions.

Recently, a man who is openly SGAttracted was called to a position of leadership in his ward bishopric. Another first. http://www.mitchmayne.com/

What do we do when we find out that a gay priesthood holder can be just as worthy to hold the priesthood as a straight one? When we discover that you are just as good/important/worthy as I am of love and blessings?

The "firsts" are coming faster and faster. When we realize that many limitations are self imposed, old standards - silly ones that tell us that we can’t - are falling off like paper-mache shackles in a Frankenstein movie.

Gay Friendly Mormons?

2011-08-18T22:39:00.016-06:00

I am going to say yes. There are some unfortunate exceptions, but yes.

A general question was asked on face book if anyone knew of any gay-friendly LDS wards.

Frankly, I hoped that we were passed this. Should we be asking if there are black friendly wards, or Hispanic friendly wards as well?

...And you can stay...you as well,
but those over there will have to leave.

First, what is a gay friendly ward? Mormons that are friendly to gays? I hope they all would be - as I hope everyone would be welcome anywhere in the LDS Church they go.

I have been in some "cold" wards before - ones whose members were not very open to newcomers, or wards that are slow to warm up to new comers, but I have never seen a ward that had a list of people who were welcome and people who weren't.

Okay, I take that back. When I was doing summer theater in Jackson Hole Wyoming, the ward there was wary of young Mormons moving in for the summer, wearing out the bishop with appointments to confess sins and then leaving for their home-land like geese in the fall. Since they didn't know who was setting weekly appointments with the bishop and who wasn't, we all got the evil eye.

Other than that episode (which I hear is still happening to summer stock college kids) I haven't heard of a ward that is either friendly or unfriendly to gays. I have someone in my ward now who thinks that they (we?) should all pick-up and move to Quebec, but that is one fool amongst many other kinder fools.

The thought that Mormons - or any other group - would have organized naughty and nice lists makes me queasy. If this behavior was to rear it's ugly head, hopefully the foolishness would be attributed to the rather foolish person or persons - if there were somehow more than two of them in one neighborhood - not the whole organization. At least, that is how I would wish it to be. Do I look at all republicans with disdain because Rick Perry is delusional? I would hope not.

I am not saying that all of us Mormons are politically correct, or that we are enlightened. I am saying that everyone is welcome - even if there are some hold-outs.

Since the whole idea of "specialty group intolerance" seems ludicrous to me in this day and age, I am going to assume that the guy on face book was asking if there are wards that allow their gay members to hold offices or have temple recommends. The answer is that they all do. It is church policy to allow all worthy members church callings and temple recommends.

Of course, all are welcome to church, including those who do not have a temple recommend, or a church calling, or who wear a white shirt. The no show socks bugs me, but I will get over it or convince you to wear socks. But none of these things really matter in the long run.

What matters is that everyone that comes through that door knows he is welcome in a real, candid and sincere way - including those of us that are doing the inviting.

What A Difference 15 Years Makes

2011-08-03T15:00:00.000-06:00

I heard someone say today that there is no such thing as a gay Mormon.

Fifteen years ago that kind of remark would have made me freak-out. And right in the middle of me "freaking-out" I would realize that I was giving myself away - a "me thinks thou doth protest too much" kind of thing. To keep from exploding, I would have had to bite something - hard - and re-paint a wall.

Fifteen years ago "The Book of Mormon” musical would have thrown me for a loop. Half of me would be in fits laughing, and the other half would be burning in hell, and another half would be concerned that missionaries were pictured wearing white socks. Another half would have thought I should have used my math money on something more productive, like diet-coke.

This would have taken place in some air-conditioned giganto-closet somewhere because I once avoided anything gay – at least in public.

After having memorized the show, which would have taken me two, maybe three hours, I would have prayed for forgiveness because I would have felt guilty for finding humor and joy in something so frivolous and light hearted. Then I would have burnt the CD at midnight along with a spandex shirt and an issue of "Mens Fitness" in a reassessment ritual. Weeks later I would have bought a new one to keep in my underwear drawer - a CD, that is.

Today, the thought of a spandex shirt makes me suck in my gut and snort a little. Thank heaven for those fifteen years. I can say now without laughing, that I have matured somewhat. Those little things no longer throw me. People and their opinion of Mormons, or opinions of gay Mormons, or gay opinions of Mormons (did I cover it all?) just don’t seem to matter to me anymore.

And in writing this, I just realized that I haven’t seen my bishop for SGA related issues for years. I barely know the guy! Honestly, in the previous fifteen years I could never have imagined living in the LDS church without having to be guided every step of the way – being a gay man who wanted to maintain priesthood rights and responsibilities. In past life, I made the pilgrimage at least once a month to the bishops office when I was deeply involved in what I refer to as the gay life.

But here I am.

I wonder what life would have looked like for me if I had been born into another religion or into religion at all. Would I have gravitated to something that kept me somewhat in tune to the spirit? Would I have found something that filled me spiritually somewhat in the way priesthood does?

I would like to be able to say that Same Gendered Attraction issues (Gay, homosexuality – what have you) are not in the picture for me anymore, but they are to some degree. I would like to say that I am no longer tempted by pornography. I don’t know how realistic that would be. Yes, I am still tempted. But I don’t feel the pull towards it like I used to. And I can say no.
I still identify myself, in this blog at least as a gay Mormon man. I don’t know how much of that will change in this life.

How I used to spend half my days

I am confident that I will have all wishes of my heart (the ones I am missing here) in the next life. I will be complete in a way I don’t feel I am here.

Is it that I am more mature with the passage of time (I won't mention age,) or is it that my sexual drive has diminished somewhat as I have gotten older? Would I have been this calm fifteen years ago adding today's wisdom? Would I be this calm as wise ol' me today with the sexual drive I had in 1995?

Should I be congratulating myself on self control and maturity, or lamenting youth?

I Dreamed a Dream...

2011-07-09T19:33:00.000-06:00

I had a dream last night that I was back in college and that I was a hunk.

Yes, it was a nice mullet

I am always a hunk in my dreams. It was a Friday night and everyone had paired up with someone else for the evening. There was one same sex couple sitting at a table not doing anything really but talking – yet somehow – in the dream, it was obvious that they were SGAttracted. Someone went up to them and let them have it for being gay, saying that they should know better being RM’s and all.

I jumped to their defense and told the guy that before he started lecturing someone else on the church's stance on homosexuality he had better know what the church's stance was. I then turned to the couple sitting at the table to bestow upon them words of great advice as I am wont to do. I give great advice in my dreams.

However, I could think of nothing to say. That's not like me.

No “carry on” no “clean it up”, no “live long and prosper”. Is it because I am old? The best advice I can think of is to stop giving advice and live life as you feel you should – always with the guidance of the spirit. Following that advice – a thought originally said by Ben Franklin…or Brigham Young…someone balding. (Maybe Sinéad O'Connor…) will give us the most opportunities for growth with lesser chance of failure.

When I think of failure, I invariably think of a Hobson’s choice. That and orange rubber prison shoes. Thomas Hobson (1545–1631) ran a successful carrier and horse rental business in Cambridge, England, at the turn of the 17th century. Hobson rented out horses mainly to University students, but refused to hire them out in any other order than that he allocated to insure the rest and ready-ment of the horses. The choice his customers were given was 'I will rent this specific horse here, who is rested and ready, or none. This became, quite literally, the Hobson's choice. Something or nothing. Take it or leave it.

Hobson’s choice today is shows similarities between SGA issues and the church doctrine. As far as the church is concerned, there is somewhat of a do it or don’t do it choice to be made. A take it or leave it situation.

Another choice option is the Morton’s fork. The expression originates from a policy of tax collection under the rule of Henry VII. The approach was that if the subject lived in luxury clearly having spent money on himself, he obviously had sufficient spare income to share with the king. Alternatively, if the subject was frugal, giving no outward appearance of being well-to-do, he clearly has savings to afford the king. This was the two prongs of the fork argument. Whether the subject was rich or poor, he did not have a chance at a favorable choice.

Many consider presidential elections to be Morton’s Forks; two choices, neither one stellar. Comparisons can be made between a Morton’s Fork and SGAttraction.

There are many choices for folks that are gay in the church. What choices did/do you have?

Sexual Preference: A New Olympic Sport?

2011-05-08T21:43:00.012-06:00

The Unites States lost a team leader this week when sexual preference became an Olympic Sport.

Still a Hero?

Peter Vidmar, Olympic gold medalist and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, voluntarily stepped down from his position as chef de mission for the 2012 U.S. Olympic team.

Vidmar, who won two gold medals at the 1984 Olympics, had been filling the liaison officer position for the American team. His job was to assisting with the interaction between the International Olympic Committee and local Olympic organizers for the London games. He had been in the position for eight days.

His critics focused their displeasure with his selection due to Vidmar's position on Proposition 8, ballot initiative in California defining marriage as between a man and a woman." USA Today says that Vidmar "participated in two anti-gay marriage demonstrations and donated $2,000 for the successful 2008 Proposition sponsored by California voters.

"I certainly wouldn't want to be represented by someone who is anti gay marriage.” Stated Jonny Weir, Olympic Ice skater in Outsports.com “It isn't just about marriage; it is being allowed equal rights as Americans. The fact this man who is very publicly against something that may be represented on the American team is disgraceful."

Apparently, the attempt to keep politics and religion out of the Olympics has lost its appeal. The Olympic pendulum has swung back to justifying exclusion based on something other than sports or ability.

Vidmar stated that his resignation was in an attempt to retain focus on U.S. athletes and athletics. "I wish that my personal religious beliefs would not have become a distraction from the amazing things that are happening in the Olympic movement in the United States. I simply cannot have my presence become a detriment to the U.S. Olympic family."

Several days before he resigned his position, Vidmar stated in the Chicago Tribune, "I fully respect the rights of everyone to have the relationships they want to have. I respect the rights of all our athletes, regardless of their race, their religion or their sexual orientation. I will cheer and do all I can, passionately, for every athlete on the U.S. Olympic team."

Mr. Vidmar gave up his position because it was bringing negative attention to U.S.Olympic movement, a passion of his for the past twenty five years. One could argue that he, knowing that his personal/political opinions would not go unnoticed being in the eye of the public, should have been more subtle in his approach in 2004. However, being in the public should not, and certainly has not kept others from stating their opinion.

Vidmar: `I hope that by stepping aside, the athletes and their stories will rightly take center stage.'' Political/religious land mine avoided? Or has Mr Vidmar just been punked?

My son came home from school last week proud that he had defended his sisters honor. Some girl at school had made fun of his sister and had called her a hateful name. I was so proud of my son! He stood up for what he believed was right! He defended the defenceless and had stood-up for the underdog. I found out later that my son had punched the kid in the nose, thrown her homework into the canal and had his friends throw food at her and trash her lunch. Suddenly I am in a quandary. My daughter should not have been picked on. And my son should not have been a bully.

The Olympics are simply reacting to the same political nightmare the country had arguable been in for the last twenty years; and just when we thought the politics of 80 (Moscow) and 84 LA) were past. They're back. The names have changed, but the topic is still in-tolerance.

The pendulum is still swinging.

Women can vote. African Americans have rights. Yesterdays communists are gone. Homosexuals are turned out to be just us. Now who are we going to pick on?

Whether or not you agree with Vidmars religious/political beliefs, His innate class and polish in focusing on the athletes; forfeiting his dream job to support his country and his religious beliefs is laudable. Blackballing, Bulling, McCarthyism are all Alive and well – only this time they are better dressed. Who throws tomorrows stones, and at whom?

We have become a nation of reactionaries. When the republican in power fails to produce, we elect his opposite. And when said opposite fails, we scream again and overreact and elect, once again, the opposite. There is no moderation, and the pendulum continues to swing. It continues to cut its swath in society, and while it does there will not ever be parity. There will continue to be an abuser and an abused.

We replace one political enemy for another. Is it time yet for someone, regardless of political position to reach out with equally bloody hands and stop the carnage.

I am not calling for a movement. I am calling for Moderate. And common sense.

I would appreciate seeing where you stand - with civility as always.

And Now, A Message From CopperTone

2011-04-20T14:08:00.050-06:00

I am quickly coming up with a list of favorites as far as conference talks go. Every once in a while I will be surprised by a "You Stupid Cow" talk like last fall from left field that touches me. However I have found a few that I can count on to inspire me and make me feel like a real man in the priesthood.

Who would have thought that Elder Uchtdorf would be one? And yet he is in my top five. When I first heard him speak he looked confident neigh upon cocky, and things haven't changed - though he seems to be getting more tan.

I love to listen to Elder Bednar. I love his BYU Idaho connection, and I appreciate his style of teaching. I get a feeling of calm listening to him, and that takes something. I believe him to be humble and kind.

Elder Holland get to the point, and it is always a point that needed to be brought home for me. Elder Ballard, Elder Oaks. Of course, the prophet. President Hinkley was a favorite of mine as well.

Maybe its that I am getting older and can see their point of view. Maybe its that I believe, for the first time in my life, that they can see mine. While I still have a hard time sitting still for two hours without a note pad and charcoal or lemon heads, I am starting to enjoy conference.

I used to watch for the gay connection - hoping one of them would say something that would make life easier for those of us who are homosexuals and for people who love them. That thought then evolved into a hope that one of the elders would not say something to provoke or that would be construed as unfeeling or unkind. Now I just pray that anything that is said will be something I will be able to cope with and learn from without too much pain.

I keep hoping that conference will bring my people together, both the SGAttracted and the Mormons. They are both my people.

Now, the real question. Do you think Elder Uchtdorf fakes 'n bakes, or is it spray on?

Where You Stand Is Just As Important As Where You Sit

2011-03-22T23:53:00.001-06:00

I started blogging a year and a half ago when I decided I had thoughts that I wasn't going to be covered in my regular humor column. I wanted this blog to be a better representation of what is meant to be gay and Mormon.

Many of these blogs are gay and ex Mormon and represent an attitude of, I was raised Mormon and for better or for worse, it has had this effect on my as I live my life as a homosexual., and I am not a Mormon now but understand the culture. A very valid point. There are other types of blogs out and available to be read and to befrended. When I started involving myself in the MoHoBlogasphear, I frended up any, or just about every MoHo blog I could find. Some of them petered out on their own, and others took strange directions. My interest was always in those Mormons who had, through whatever self awareness had figured out their statues as a homosexual. There are those who are still in the thought about it, been on my own but with no one else area, some who have acted on the feelings into actual gay behaviors, and some who have experienced these things who have returned to full fellowship in the church.

I myself, Calvin Thompson,have been through each of these. Currently, and for the last 10 years I have been married to an opposite sex attracted (normal) girl and we have kids. I am owner of a temple recommend, and I did not lie to get it. Let me repeat that I am gay.

I would really like to know where you stand. Could you leave me a note telling me where on the board you stand, and if you are privy to one other life also, that would be good. I am dieing to know.

On My Honor

2011-03-04T15:55:00.003-07:00

BYU HFAC - Home of the Flames

As reported by CNN, Brigham Young University officials in a Thursday press conference stood by the Honor Code offices decision to dismiss a standout basketball player on the Cougars' highly ranked men's team, saying they are treating him as they would any other student.

Officials did not specify why, nor would they confirm rumors to the cause of this students suspension during a press conference Thursday.

However, the non-Mormon friendly Salt Lake Tribune was quick to cite "multiple sources" that the sophomore violated the honor code and went on to name the spicific alleged infraction. (True to form, the trib can be counted on for anything salacious or slanted away from the church or church members who want to remain members.

The BYU honor code, for anyone housed under a rock, includes requirements for "modest, neat and clean" dress and grooming; abstinence from alcohol, tobacco or illegal substances; any sexual intimacy Hetro or Homo; prohibits members of the opposite sex from going in one's bedroom areas; and regularly participation in church services, either Mormon or another faith.

I was a student at BYU back in the mid ninety's. I had friends kicked out for honor code violations. Just recently I blogged about several MDT men from BYU that were “let go” so to speak from their student status and had applications made for them to the U. Frankly, there would have been grounds for me to be so released when I was a student at the Y, and I could have been joined by at least 40 men that I knew of personally and factually.

Last year, another predominate sports man was let go – and it cost the football team dearly. He was repentant, he volunteered the information to the code enforcers. He was consoled and strengthened, and was still kicked out.

Many in my position, being SGAttracted (gay to anyone else) will say that BYU is unfair, or inconsistent. I do know that they try to follow standards and guidelines universally. They often fail. In my case they didn’t have the information, and I wasn’t going to give it to them. There are many honor code violators at BYU.

They are not the majority, however. And the fairness of these guidelines should not be judged solely on the opinions of those who choose not to live by them. And while there should always be mercy, as is the nature of Christ’s atonement for us, there should also be justice, as is the nature of Christ’s atonement for us.

My Own Damn Fault

2011-02-28T23:59:00.002-07:00

He probably would have responded better...

Open Letter to a Facebook "Friend":

You got me. I thought you were just interested in knowing my POV. However it now looks like you googled "naive Mormon gay guy" until you found someone who would be kind enough to answer a question or two.

You led off your correspondence with “Personally (in regard to your mixed orientation marriage)I believe that you are incorrect.” With a whole slew of differences between us, this may be the biggie. I do not claim to be in a position to judge anyone else – a task I am grateful that Christ has claimed for only himself. Though I am an arrogant, arrogant man, and even I wouldn’t dare.

For you to tell me over face book – without ever meeting me – that I am not fair to my wife because we don't seem to fit into your idea of marriage is downright silly and is reminiscent of the arguments we are used to hearing from those who oppose gay marriage. What would you think if, in all my ignorance, I said something silly like your marriage is a sham because it doesn't fit into my notion of what a real relationship is? Would you be as upset as I am? Putting down/minimizing my relationship with my wife is uncalled for.

I have never said it is sinful to be gay, and for you to assume that because I am a Mormon I am anti-gay is rash - and mistaken. I will never say such a thing. I do not believe that God makes mistakes. He made me what I am. I am betting He did the same for you. I believe in personal revelation. I believe that His son, the Lord Jesus Christ can guide me through the Holy Spirit, through modern prophets, and through scripture.

I am making no comparisons to other churches and their beliefs or observances, not do I use their practices to dictate or confirm my own beliefs. Another church may allow, permit or consent to a number of things. In my church, the men don’t make the rules. It is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe that Jesus Christ makes the rules. I am in the church I am in because I have researched and made a choice. Sounds like you have, too.

I appreciate your choice and honor your right to it. Wither I agree with it or not is no ones business and I would never volunteer my opinion to anyone other than my wife, from whom I have no secrets. By the same token, It is not your place to offer me unsolicited feedback concerning where you think I am wrong. I may have to concede this argument because I have invited others, to a degree, into my personal life by the very nature of this blog.

Yes I am gay. I am gay, and so much more. I am a husband and a father and an artist and a writer. I am a softball coach and a choir director. I am an author and a blogger. I teach sometimes when they asked me in my church, and I strive to be worthy to use the priesthood (not just a calling but authority and power) actively by following the commandments/rules that God has asked of me. I know what he has asked of me because I listen to the words of his prophets.

I write a blog for gay Mormons because of what I thought of as a dearth of information available and I thought I could help those who feel as I do about their own lives and the direction the Lord wants for them. It is not for all, and it is not for many. But it is for a few.

I am not aggressively judging anyone one else. Including you. I would never tell you you are wrong, or smile and patronize and claim that you "just don’t understand", and I am a little miffed as to why you seem to take that stance toward me.

I am Gay. I am a Mormon. I have a temple recommend - meaning I am card carrying. I'm not going anywhere. Google that.

And, yes, I do feel better now.

Five, Six, Seven, Eight...

2011-02-24T23:49:00.007-07:00

BYU recently "transferred" several men in the Musical Dance Theatre program to the University of Utah due to issues dealing with homosexuality.

I certainly will not be one to make humor at their expense being that I am a proud alumni of that same program. But, if I may say, who did the administration think they were getting when these talented men who can sing like the wind, dance up a storm, and act their way out of a paper bag were recruited with scholarships? Stereotypes aside, somebody knew these men were not loggers.

One could easily replace the MDT men in this scenario with football players when the occasional blue chipper is recruited from a non LDS background having been raised with a different belief regarding word of wisdom and chastity.

Of course MDTers should be held accountable for honoring the same code of ethics the football players honor. And when football players have moral issues, they are disciplined the same as anyone who committed a standard of behavior to the university--including the theatre guys.

However, there seems to have been no mention of any honor code violations, only issues dealing with homosexuality.

In 2007 the honor code was revamped and expanded to include recent differentiations between homosexual actions and homosexual behaviors; behaviors (having gay sex), versus homosexual feelings (being attracted to ones same gender).

Earlier this academic year, certain wordings (advocacy as one) were removed from the behavioral standard with little fanfare.

In the previous year, 2009-2010, the honor code had a section titled, “Homosexual Behavior or Advocacy”. This stated that “homosexual behavior and advocacy of homosexual behavior are inappropriate and violates the Honor Code.” It continued “Advocacy includes seeking to influence others to engage in homosexual behavior or promoting homosexual relations as being morally acceptable.”

Recently, however, references to "advocacy" have been eliminated. It currently reads, "Homosexual Behavior: Brigham Young University will respond to homosexual behavior rather than to feelings or attraction and welcomes as full members of the university community all whose behavior meets university standards. Members of the university community can remain in good Honor Code standing if they conduct their lives in a manner consistent with gospel principles and the Honor Code." (NOTE:Your being gay is one thing. Your being sexually active - not obeying the law of chastity - is another.) "One’s stated same-gender attraction is not an Honor Code issue. However, the Honor Code requires all members of the university community to manifest a strict commitment to the law of chastity. Homosexual behavior is inappropriate and violates the Honor Code. Homosexual behavior includes not only sexual relations between members of the same sex, but all forms of physical intimacy that give expression to homosexual feelings."

FYI, the code had previously read (2007 through 2010): "Homosexual Behavior or Advocacy: Brigham Young University will respond to homosexual behavior rather than to feelings or attraction and welcomes as full members of the university community all whose behavior meets university standards. Members of the university community can remain in good Honor Code standing if they conduct their lives in a manner consistent with gospel principles and the Honor Code. One’s stated same-gender attraction is not an Honor Code issue. However, the Honor Code requires all members of the university community to manifest a strict commitment to the law of chastity. Homosexual behavior and/or advocacy of homosexual behavior are is inappropriate and violates the Honor Code. Homosexual behavior includes not only sexual relations between members of the same sex, but all forms of physical intimacy that give expression to homosexual feelings. Advocacy includes seeking to influence others to engage in homosexual behavior or promoting homosexual relations as being morally acceptable. Brigham Young University will respond to student behavior rather than to feelings or orientation. Students can be enrolled at the University and remain in good Honor Code standing if they maintain a current ecclesiastical endorsement and conduct their lives in a manner consistent with gospel principles and the Honor Code. Advocacy of a homosexual lifestyle (whether implied or explicit) or any behaviors that indicate homosexual conduct, including those not sexual in nature, are inappropriate and violate the Honor Code."

I am not about to argue the honor code here. Nor do I generally respect the opinion of those who sign it, then enjoy the benefits of the university, and then make known their excuses for not following it.

You choose to sign the code, you choose to come to BYU, you follow the code you signed.

(Quick side bar to nowhere: There may be an occasional conscientious objector status--a peaceful demonstration within the law to further ones cause; but these when done deliberately as an act of true Thoreau Civil Disobedience as per his essay of 1849 are rare. Rather than an organized distention to not allow governments to atrophy our consciences, we have turned it into a whine in Indian position on a sidewalk somewhere.)

Maybe these MDT men met with leaders and decided that the U of U was a better fit. As a group they all went to the honor code office. Voluntarily as a group. Uh Huh.

Maybe there was some type of sting that nabbed them as they all shuffled off to Buffalo in unison. I doubt it.

Possibly there was an Internet/blogging incident that brought them together, or these men decided to take a political stand where the only outcome was a change of educational venue.

What if several of them spouted off about a social life that was contrary to the code they signed? Possible. Frankly, no university owes anyone an explanation of facts on the files of these eight men (if my source is correct). If I was one of them or one in or out of any group in the public eye, I would be pleased at the university's protection of my privacy--as they have protected the privacy of many students many times in the past. (So 'in So was released from his scholarship today, or Joe Bob was dismissed due to honor code infractions and no, we will not be answering your questions.)

Could the reason be that these men were released and offered transfers be based on confessed Homosexuality alone?

I pray no.

Empha-Sex

2011-02-16T22:30:00.005-07:00

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.

-Robert Frost

I recently posted the question of what to do for Valentine’s Day. I wanted ideas of what would be original and fun. The responses I got were mostly hypo-sexual – the kind of references that, frankly, I wouldn’t use in front of anyone I knew and respected. It seemed clear that for a huge number of people, sex equaled love: Valentine’s Day was for sex: Sex was the main/only/most important expression of love.

Remember, I am somewhat a conservative Mormon talking here. (If a gay Mormon is considered conservative) With my conservative background, I have been skewered (deliberate word choice) in a different direction.

I have never been what I thought "real guys" were. I considered sex to be something kept underground, something taboo for the “kind” of person I wanted to be. It was not for the guys in black socks, khaki pants and white shirts. The kind of guy I wanted to be.

My kind of man knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was more of an eternal nature. He wanted love. He wanted a relationship, communication, cooperation, companionship and expression. Sex was none of these things. Sex was something different.

Sex was urges, physical passion, and gratification. Love was not sex. The men I knew didn’t have sex as I understood it. They had wives and families and had appropriate, neutral, controlled expressions of love. They had sex to procreate, and then they went and earned some money to pay the mortgage.

So I tried that. Both. At the same time. I tried to have one, which seemed incredibly incompatible with the other. I kept them separate.

Talk about the swinging pendulum. Even today I have a difficult time with sex as part of an expression rather than simply fulfillment of physical desire. Most people who say that love is more than sex are thought of as prudish, naive, or as one reader said, “He has obviously never had spine tingling sex”. The thought seems to be that if you can think of anything other than sex, you haven’t had the right sex.

I know what it is to have tingling sex. Am I allowed to say that it was wonderful, and then to add-in the same sentence - that I want that and more? I want the sex and I want the relationship. I want the tingles and a commitment and I don't want one for a couple years so I can say I did it and then move on.

Even PBS is against me. A recent documentary emphases that man is not meant to be monogamous. That even women’s menstrual cycles are timed to encourage promiscuity, and that man would be better off genetically if he spread his stuff around instead of sticking with one partner.

Is this really where we are as a people that we are still comparing ourselves to members in the animal kingdom? This seems like the equivalent of “everyone’s doing it”, which is an excuse doesn’t fly past Jr High school. So, everyone is doing it. And I have had my share.

It is true that I have work to do in becoming emotionally healthy. I get that. I get that views towards sex need to change.

And I don’t generally look to PBS for answers to my problems. But the questions this last week has presented beg questions. But what if, after all the counseling and coming to terms and prioritizing, I want, expect more from a partner than sex? What if I consider myself to be more than just a link in someone’s reproductive food chain? Sex plus relationship, plus commitment, plus understanding?

A heightened sense of mutual well being. That topic would not make it to PBS because that would be called religion. When sex is everything, the instructions are easy to follow. When sex is one forth or one fifth of a relationship, when there is something that has to be achieved, the PBS documentary during sweeps week becomes simplistic at best.

I don’t want a club, or a bobsled partner. I don’t think I need to have every sexual whim satisfied. I do want sex as part of the physical/emotional experience.

And I want to be part of something more than just me.

Blessings and SGAttraction

2011-02-07T16:59:00.035-07:00

I was asked today by a non-family member to give a blessing. My neighbor has been feeling poorly and she sent one of my kids who was playing outside to find out if I would come over.

When I am poorly, a blessing is not the first thing I think of (not that her decision was off the cuff or flippant). I usually go for a pill and a diet coke. Actually, a pill and a diet coke sounds like the solution to most of life’s problems. That she would step outside herself and have the wherewithal to consider a priesthood blessing impresses me.

A little sad to say that I had to give pause. My life has not been one clean and reverent and ready to assist in things of the spirit. Maybe the mental listing is just a habit because I have not always been in that position to help.

I am happy to report that, with a quick change of clothes and a little hair gel, I sit here waiting for a call to tell me when to come over. Okay, with a fast run to my next door neighbor’s house to borrow a vile of consecrated oil, a change of clothes and hair gel I am sitting here ready to use the priesthood.

The power and authority of the Savior is the biggest reason to stay priesthood ready – to be worthy to use the power of God at the drop of a proverbial hat. For me, it tops what I call the obedience factor (staying morally clean because the Lord himself or through his prophets says to).

More specifically, as a worthy gay man I can access the same priesthood that the straight worthy men access. As God created me, even with the SGAttraction that I have alternately despised and cherished, I am enough.

Father shares that power with us. He shares it with me.

The best reason to keep my SGAttraction in check.

My Three Words

2011-01-31T19:29:00.002-07:00

I am fascinated, repulsed and intrigued by stereotypes. Part of what repulses me is that I see a use for them. I suppose I find that intriguing because I don’t consider myself to be completely un-learned, and I am fascinated by the fact that I have still perpetuated their use.

I used to employ the excuse that stereotypes were a type of contraction that permitted us to quickly get to the point; an abbreviation that allowed us to be on the same page which would then allow us to delve into the intellectual heart of a matter. I considered them to be an easy way to get ideas across - used to simplify communication and support the occasion quick comebacks/ lame retort.

Stereotypes may very well be a short cut. However, I think we should be taking the long way. Discovering what a person is without simplifying or eliminating personality should be what the heart of the matter is regardless of the subject at hand.

I myself have been easily typecast, and honestly, I fit into many of the pigeon holes I have been crammed into. Some of them fit me comfortably I am slightly chagrined to say. Pushy football dad, stage mom, conservative (for the liberals), liberal (for the conservatives). I am a self centered blogger, coupon clipper, price haggler, artistic genius with no spelling skills. I am a mood swinger the like of which as been little seen, and a westerner/capitalist (if being poor is capitalistic). I am the guy who can fix everything except plumbing and automotive. I am middle aged and good with hair dye and a paint brush.

I discovered another type I appear to fit into this last week. It came from a former co-worker I saw at a church I was visiting. He mentioned that he didn’t think I was the churchy type. Of course I asked him what the churchy type was. He back peddled and made a joke and changed the subject. Smart move.

So does he consider the churchy type as one holier-than-though? Or is the churchy type for him a zealot. Bigoted? Conforming? For me, the quickest image I get for the churchy type is someone who goes to church for any other reason but for self betterment; for social statues, or for reputation. Expectation. Obligation. Someone who has the need to demonstrate to others his level of “spirituality”.

While that may be somewhat true for me, I am also a repentant soul in need of guidance and affirmation from the spirit that I find at church. Take that you stereotype's.

Here is something I did in the front of a recent class I lead that, I’m afraid, polished the crown we have placed on stereotypes. I asked everyone in the class to come up with three words that best described themselves. It was a simple ice breaker I have seen done in many classrooms situations. But the last time I used it I was halfway through the exercise when I was floored by what I was doing. I was asking them to come up with the stereotypes that we would then use as tools to categorize them, to place into little neat squares. The exorcise in and of itself is not necessarily horrifying if we are planning to get to know someone for who they are and delve a bit. The problem is that most of us are content to make take note of the three words and then slide along, pretending like we are personally involved.

Do you know Calvin?
Yeah, he sings, paints and likes Swiss cheese.

It’s true that I sing and like Swiss cheese. I’d like to think that there is more to me than that. And while I am complaining that people don’t really know me and that they peg me into little holes that are limiting, I spend no time whatsoever getting to know anyone else past their three words. Stereotypes are handy for quickly categorizing. For those who need to effectively place people in a cubical and move on to something better, stereotypes work wonders. Efficient. Final. And now that I’ve put you in your proper place, I can move on to what is important to me.

But what if you are the one important to me? If I am going to initiate anything more that the equivalent of an emotional drive by, then I am going to have to let you out of the box I placed you in. Once I do that, however, you will never fit in that box again.

That makes life a bit messier for me. I will have to make more space for people, or be comfortable with the overlap.

The use of the stereotypes was once briefly useful. However, they no longer contain us or those we love like a garage built in the 1950’s just can’t handle today’s minivans or SUV’s. So,we re-think and remodel and bust out a wall for new ideas. Maybe the only real use for the old stereotypes is as a tool to understand our own propensity to judge foolishly. Like a sledge hammer or a crow bar, it is effective at busting down a wall that confines us.

And when we have busted down a wall we smile at the thought of the quaint and ineffective stereotype.

Cal Thompson and the Pseudonym - The Sequel

2011-01-04T00:43:00.006-07:00

The responses to my essay on being SGA Mormon (homo to you, thank you) and incognito were heartfelt, wonderful and frightening, and I thank you for stepping out of your respective comfort zones - even if you didn't step far from the closet.

Many of reasons to stay "in" were based in fear. Not unexpected. A memorable comment was " I am afraid that there is more to fear than fear itself" a timely twist on Churchill.

Many of us do not know exactly what we are afraid of, but generally it seems to be in not being accepted. We are living in fear that stemmed back to our grandfathers but for rare exceptions. We do not live in an age where we have not choice but to fear. We live in a time when modern Davids in pasty skin brandishing rocks can stand up to Goliath. We live in a time when the corporate whistle gets blown when abuse hits the fan, when the little guy can get the house, the car, and the lovely companion.

As a SGAttracted man, I just may be the trophy husband my wife always wanted.

Am I afraid of my neighbors finding out my big gay secret? Is that why I am in the closet? No. I generally have an arrogance problem and I tend to think I am better than everyone anyway which would work in my favor here in my "hood." Would I have a problem coming out at work? Again, no. Frankly, it may work to my advantage as everyone is trying to be so politically correct that they would error in my favor - no one wants to be liable for a law suit. Family not accepting of my preference? I do have a huge family, and those who know, know and those who don't know know, and those who really don't know really don't really care. I am bold enough that I can hold my own.

I understand the church policy, so I am not in fear of what any repercussions would be social/political/religious. I have run upon a rogue bishop or two who doesn't understand, or who was not secure enough to step outside of himself- but I am wise enough to understand the difference between bishop-the He man and Bishop-the He calling.

Is it a surprise when the voice of the BYU cougars comes out as a fan? No surprise there. We understand that - even at his best he may be slightly biased. Would I loose some political clout if I, a somewhat pro-gay Mormon were to come out as a actual gay Mormon? Maybe, but I would live with it and make it work.

So why the heck am I in the closet? (if blogging and writing a Mormon/Gay book is considered closeted)

My wife.

She says it may be alright if I were to come out as SGAttracted. She doesn't say it very convincingly, and I don't believe her when she says it. Something tells me to keep my preference somewhat under wraps as far as my personal life goes. Would there be added pressure for her and for my kids? Without a doubt. Could I handle the added pressure? Yes. But when I married I promised to look after her. Marriage is also about committed mutual well being and I am committed to hers.

Maybe someday the spirit will say that it is right to be personally vocal about my SGAttraction while I am inhabiting a body. I need to be at peace with the fact that it may always be something I guard.

Whether I am "in" or "out", whether my neighbor is in or out, homosexuals deserve and demand the same respect as any other Mormon, as any other human. There is no need to create a special post for them in the church. The same posts and offices held by any other worthy member will do just fine. My ability to assist, offer opinions, or teach a class is not affected by my sexual preference.

And on a personal note, the only thing different about my marriage may or may not be as different as you would think. And on an even more personal note, I think she likes being
married to me.

Regardless, I am proud to be what I am, and to know that I am learning and growing and that I may yet become what father wants me to be. I am becoming, hopefully, the man my wife would want to lead our family. Oddly enough, it seems that we all want the same thing.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-28T03:57:00.002-07:00

Peace On Earth...And Please Don't Scare Children Or Straighties

Read

2010-12-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

Please don't let this next DADT essay to deter you from reading and commenting on "Cal Thompson and the Pseudonym". I didn't mean to distract, but I had to comment on the vote.

Changing Minds

2010-12-18T19:45:00.001-07:00

Pigs are flying

Barry Goldwater changed his mind, but not until the senate was in his rear view mirror. He was quick it say, later in his life "You don't have to be straight to shoot straight," and he was quoted this week by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., who himself has been off and on in his support of the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

I myself don’t ever plan on joining the military, though I am becoming found of the fitness programs. Had I ever been “all that I could be” I would have been torn between job security and personal integrity. I have not been one to advertise my sexual attractions or preferences (other that the occasional anonymous blog and the fact that my co-workers have never seen me wear the same shoes in the same month.)

Regardless of my personal affiliations with the military (or lack there-of) I am pleased with the result of this weeks voting. The Senate on Saturday voted to allow homosexuals to openly serve in the military, repealing the 17 year old Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

But today ( as long as it doesn’t affect/undermine the troops fighting ability and after a 60 day waiting period could serve in the army or be a sea-man because DADT is a thing of the past. Though once the hype and the parades are over, I don’t see much happening differently. There will be no comings on, there will not be any uniform adjustments or color changes

Obama said in a statement after a test vote cleared the way for final action. "It is time to recognize that sacrifice, valor and integrity are no more defined by sexual orientation than they are by race or gender, religion or creed."

The Senate vote was 65-31. The House earlier had passed its identical version of the bill with a 250-175 vote on Wednesday.

Since the 1993 law was created 13,500 members of the military have been dismissed from service.

Advocacy groups who lobbied hard for repeal (and who were ready for a protest of protests) called the vote as a significant step forward in gay rights. The Service members Legal Defense Network hailed the repeal as the "defining civil rights initiative of this decade."

It was seventeen years too late for my taste. Thank heaven for changed minds.

Calvin Thompson and the Pseudonym

2010-12-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

I am a homosexual Mormon man. I have to hold my breath after saying that phrase. Someone usually makes a break for it or coughs up a lung.

I couldn’t have mentioned my sexuality openly in the recent past without the women gathering their young-ones to their side or the men folk brandishing their muskets. The none-pioneer, modern day 3-D equivalent is just as bad: Distrust, Disdain, and Disinfectant.

I have always been a homosexual Mormon man, though the specific age has varied – man child, young man, college man, taxpayer man, and now sorta old ma... never mind. By the same token, I have always been a Mormon of the “dyed in the wool, true blue, through and through” variety . I was born into an LDS family and through pain, pride and prayer I have always come back to my Church - sometimes from a great distance, sometimes not.

I am so proud of my religion that I don’t care what others call it, Mormon, LDS, or Latter-day Saint, nor do I care about the popular misconceptions. I was once asked on my mission if I was embarrassed that the Spanish definition of Mormon was “a polygamous sect”. No I wasn’t embarrassed. I was a Mormon, I knew what it truly meant to be a Mormon, and I was proud of my heritage – regardless of what others thought. This made it easier to take being asked about my wives, responding in a friendly way to hey you J-dub, or “Hola CIA.” Or being asked to put 100 Lempira bucks on Honduras in the World Cup with my bookie!

Call me anything these days – as long as you call, and I will tell you how vital to me my membership is in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

By the same token, my homosexuality – like my religious beliefs, has never been a question for me. I am tall, I am a Mormon, I am slightly arrogant, I like tangy taffy and I am homosexual. My attraction, regardless of whatever popular semantic assigned it, has been such from the beginning.

I am proud of who I am. And yet, you may have noticed that I am writing this blog, and an upcoming book, anonymously. Why do I go by Calvin Thompson and not my real name?

True, I haven't gone to much length to keep my identity known, and anyone who wants to put forth the effort could figure it out in a hurry.

I have my reasons, and I will state them in the next essay. I would like to know yours.

Why have you not come out publicly? And for those in the church who are out, what have been the challenges and/or the blessings?

Feel free to comment - anonymously if you need to.

Pro Activity And The Mediocre Sunday School Lesson

2010-12-12T23:26:00.008-07:00

As you can imagine, I have a hard time sitting still in Sunday school. Even with a lovely Christmas decoration and poster pictures depicting the lessons high points my mind tends to wander.
Part of my problem lies in the fact that I am helpless as ...a really helpless thing without a diet coke in my hand. I have, in the past, tried to remedy this by keeping a flask in my suit pocket. My wife nipped this in the butt, which more definitive that in the bud - believe me.
I then tried a tube sneaking out from a briefcase and then from a Utah Jazz cap. No, and no. I think I will need to resign myself to be at peace with a lidded cup & straw kept under my chair and suffer through the strange looks coming my way.
Today’s lesson was on eternal marriage - always a tricky subject. Except today’s teacher bypassed the tricky and went straight for oblivious which may mean that she actually was, but I will touch on that can of worms later on. I found myself bristling a time or two, and I don’t know why.
As liberals go, I am not so liberal. I have always called myself a closet conservative. So, when they speak of families being forever, that a marriage is between a man and a woman, That the holy spirit of promise seals a couple if they are worthy. These things I understand. As a long term Mormon I have the rhetoric down. Not only do I know the words, I know the feelings and a general understanding behind them.

And here I sit, bristling.

This lesson – universal for December whatever-today-is will fly in Utah and in parts of Idaho and Arizona. Anywhere else it will veer to the right into a no fly zone and self destruct. I suppose I am sensitive to the plight of those who don’t quite fit into a common, standard mail box.
I don’t want God to change his plan to suit me or my friends who don't fit in. I don’t need the lesions to alter or natural laws to re configure. However I do need the points of view to widen to an acceptance of others on its most basic scale regardless of ones situation, background or prospects.

The woman leading the lesson was single – I know this because she stated such. She broke down into tears as she mentioned that she did not have children to be sealed to (eternal families being the point of the lesion.) There seemed to be two general sentiments expressed by the class, the old and the young alike at her revelation. The first, and the greatest by terms of numbers and volume was “ Oh, how sad – you should find something to get you by this life until the next one starts." I call it the get a hobby approach: your life is hopeless, so find something to do.

The next sentiment is one I don’t see much, but one I greatly prefer.

Specifically put, for this woman teaching the lesson, you don’t have a family – yet. God’s time is not our time. This is the way of the hopeful, the faithful, the proactive – not necessarily a Mormon word, but one of my favorite.

A case in proacticity as a point: A friend of mine took his truck and his son out in the woods to collect, you know…wood. Fire wood. He backed in to his favorite spot and got his truck compleatly stuck in the mud. They tried most of the day to get it out to no avail. They decided that they could either sit and wait for rescue, or get busy loading the truck with wood. The choose to be proactive. They choose to do something. In the end after the truck was loaded and it was becoming very cold, they decided to give it one more go. The truck bounded out of the ruts and practically muscled its way to dry road with a cord or two of freshly chopped wood. The weight of the wood had given it all the traction it needed. Doing something when it seemed hopeless gave them the push.

Now to what may seem a hopeless situation for some of us: Single people, the widowed folk, SGAttracted, both dudes and dudettes, and anyone not fitting into the “Married with children” category (and that’s a lot of people)...

Rejoice! Christ came to redeem us all. We came down to be like the father, and the time will come when we will be able to make a run at our goals full force. That time will be, again, in gods time. In respect full prayer - ask him what that means for you. You will be glad you did.

For me, that is the real miracle of Christmas: Having the opportunity to create my own family.

The BOMM

2010-12-10T02:41:00.001-07:00

I am not sure how this relates to Gay Mormondom, but I am posting anyway. Book of Mormon the Musical tickets are available. The show could really stink. However there is a chance that it wont. I wish it well. I wish it really well.

"The Book of Mormon,” will be opening in February at the Eugene O’Neill Theatre. It is being created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, four-time Emmy Award-winning creators of “South Park,” “The Book of Mormon” is a musical about a pair of mismatched Mormon missionaries sent to Africa. The show is being written in collaboration with Robert Lopez, the Tony Award-winning writer of “Avenue Q,” and is co-directed by Parker and three-time Tony nominee Casey Nicholaw (“Spamalot,” “The Drowsy Chaperone”).
I hope it jabs us good and causes us to take a good look at ourselves. I also hope that it gives others not of the LDS faith a look at the good we have to offer. All in all I think that the church can withstand publicity.

What I fear is that it will be lame. I don't care that it skewers Mormons, I don't want it to be a missionary tool. I just don't want it to be stupid.

Already inaccurate! Missionaries don't wear white socks.

http://www.broadway.com/shows/book-mormon/buzz/154531/now-on-sale-book-your-tickets-for-the-book-of-mormon-from-the-creators-of-south-park/

New and Improved

2010-12-07T01:41:00.002-07:00

Happy, Happy People

There is a recent Handbook available to leaders of the LDS church. It is a comprehensive listing of how to handle situations - a leaders dream book. Were I a leader, I would have copies for every room of my house.

The Handbook is divided into two volumes. The Church only distributes copies of the handbook to individuals who fill certain leadership positions within the church hierarchy. Handbook 1 is not available for sale to the general public or the general church membership. The text of Handbook 2 is available for free on the church's official website.

Handbook 1 is subtitled Stake Presidents and Bishops. It contains information that is primarily relevant to the functions and duties of stake presidents, bishops, mission presidents, district presidents, branch presidents, and their counselors. Other individuals who receive a copy of Book 1 are temple presidents and their counselors, general authorities, general auxiliary presidencies, area seventies, and church clerks and executive secretaries.

Concerning church policies, Handbook 1 includes instructions on the proper wearing of temple garments; which members may be married in the temple for time and eternity (vs. time only); and who may or may not attend ceremonies in an LDS Church temple. For example, persons who have undergone elective transsexual surgery are not permitted to receive a temple recommend that would allow them to enter the temple.

Leaders are advised to consider referring Church members who are dealing with same-gender attraction to counseling. Individuals with HIV or AIDS are to be treated with dignity and compassion. Unwed parents are to be encouraged to get married, or if this is not feasible, to present the child for adoption to an agency which will place the child in a Latter-day Saint home. The church opposes gambling, including lotteries, and encourages active opposition to the legalization of gambling in any form.

Handbook 2 is subtitled Administering the Church, and it contains information that is primarily relevant to the functions and duties of the leaders of priesthood quorums and auxiliary organizations of the church. Every quorum president and auxiliary organization leader at stake, ward, district, and branch levels receive a copy of Handbook 2, as do most of the individuals who receive Handbook 1.

This is relevant today because of the recent availability of the new 2010 version. The 2010 edition of the Church Handbook of Instructions (CHI) contains a very different position on gay marriage than the 2006 edition. Here is an example of some edits from the base version from 2006. the edits, with deletions in underlined red and additions in italics:

Same-Gender Marriage: Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. The Church accordingly opposes same-gender marriages and any efforts to legalize such marriages. Church members are encouraged "to appeal to legislators, judges, and other government officials to preserve the purposes and sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman, and to reject all efforts to give legal authorization or other official approval or support to marriages between persons of the same gender" (First Presidency letter Feb 1, 1994; see also "Homosexual Behavior" in the previous column).

As a doctrinal principle, based on the scriptures, the Church affirms that marriage between a man and a woman is essential to God's the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

The powers of procreation are to be exercised Sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. Any other sexual relations, including those between persons of the same gender, are sinful and undermine the divinely created institution of the family. The Church accordingly favors measures that define affirms defining marriage as the legal and lawful union of a man and a woman and that do not confer legal status on any other sexual relationship.

While opposing same-gender marriage, the Church reaches out with understanding and respect to individuals who are attracted to those of the same gender. See also "Homosexual Behavior" on page 187.

Homosexual behavior violates the commandments of God, is contrary to the purposes of human sexuality, distorts loving relationships, and deprives people of the blessings that can be found in family life and in the saving ordinances of the gospel. Those who persist in such behavior or who influence others to do so are subject to Church discipline. Homosexual behavior can be forgiven through sincere repentance.

If members have homosexual thoughts or feelings or engage in homosexual behavior, Church leaders should help them have a clear understanding of faith in Jesus Christ, the process of repentance, and the purpose of life on earth. Leaders also should help them accept responsibility for their thoughts and actions and apply gospel principles in their lives.

While opposing homosexual behavior, the Church reaches out to understanding and respect to individuals who are attracted to those of the same gender. [This was moved from being the 2nd to 3rd paragraph]In addition to the inspired assistance of Church leaders, members may need professional counseling. When appropriate, bishops should contact LDS Social Services to identify resources to provide such counseling in harmony with gospel principles.

If members feel same-gender attraction but do not engage in any homosexual behavior, leaders should support and encourage them in their resolve to live the law of chastity and to control unrighteous thoughts. These members may receive Church callings. If they are worthy and qualified in every other way, they may also hold temple recommends and receive temple ordinances.

Small steps are still steps, I keep reminding myself. And that these changes appear in the Handbook is especially encouraging to all members - those who are or who know someone SGAttracted. It is an official LDSreparative counseling or tell them that things like masturbation causes homosexuality - when we all know it is caused by a pregnant mother listening to Barry Manalow in the second trimester.

DADT - Wink, Wink, Nod, Nod

2010-12-05T19:50:00.000-07:00

I am having a hard time with DADT.

On one hand I understand that there may be some that are uncomfortable sharing space with one attracted to the same gender. On the other hand, I get to share space with people I am uncomfortable with every day.

True, I am not rooming, bunking, showering and working with these people. Even having roommates in college that got on my nerves, I could still get out of the apartment and go somewhere without said "offending" person - taking a break.

Military folk most times are not afforded a break.

Sexuality is private. Sexuality should not keep one from doing ones job. My sexuality may be none of any ones business unless I want to make it so. Still, do I need to hide it in order to work, or live or fight?

I want to tread carefully when it comes to fighting men and women who are protecting my rights and freedoms. I respect them and their space. But aren't these kind of freedoms the very thing they are fighting for and protecting?

What say you?

Sometimes Ya Just Gotta

2010-12-03T23:41:00.006-07:00

One Grecian Urn...

More Absence...or Less Normal (Part 2)

2010-12-02T20:11:00.005-07:00

Look Familiar to anyone?

The suggestion was recently made to me to spend the Sunday school time where I am supposed to teach about the old testament to instead answer questions about SGA/Homosexuality in the Mormon church. I think I will pass for, oh, several hundred reasons. However I am happy to open the blog up to these FAQ's.

Here are some more questions (continued from an essay of November 24ish) that I have been asked, or points I feel I should be making.

Q: Where do Mormons stand on Homosexuality in compared to other world religions? The five major world religions -- Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, and Judaism -- recognize and uphold the understanding of heterosexual marriage. All five religions teach that homosexual behavior is to be overcome. ("Major World Religions on the Question of Marriage," Marriage Law Project, 2000)

Those dealing with SGA of either sex are easy to identify. Stereotypes are often used to identify a person's sexual orientation, such as a man being effeminate and a woman being butch. The visual measures of masculinity and femininity tend to be gender-biased and are not very useful in the study of those with SGA. The homosexual community is diverse and its members, much like the citizenship of any grouping, cannot be neatly categorized into stereotypes based on appearance. Most people are realizing that there are more similarities than differences between the gay and straight population - though I read somewhere that every plaid shirt sold donates money to the SGA deer hunters of northern Utah.

How easy are Mormons to identify? How 'bout Mormon Gays? Look for modest clothing, farmer’s tans and hot glue burns on fingers. It was once thought that Mormon woman utilized higher and fuller hair styles to cover up the horns they were thought to possess. This latter appeared to have been a simple a symbol of the lovely state of Deseret in combination with a fashionable 60’s hairstyle that found favor and overstayed its welcome. Men do wear dark suits, and are known to spout into parables as they age... As for Mormon Gays? Your guess is as good as mine. And honestly, who cares? People are people, and if you are at church my bet is that no one - regardless of sexuality - is trying to pick you up.

My understanding is that all lesbians hate or have deep set emotional issues with men, that Gay men dislike women. Lesbianism is not a dislike of men as far as I understand. Lesbianism is an inclination, a positive sexual, emotional, physical attraction to other women. Ditto for Gay men. For men by men.

Yes, there are women who sometime explore lesbianism because they had negative sexual experiences with men. Men sometimes may explore homosexuality gay due to similar negative emotional or sexual experiences. There are many reasons we know of that may have significance in developing SGA, and many who defy all explanation and were born that way. Understand that the reasons may be many, and regardless of reason we will be there for each other.

Are openly gay teachers, professors, professionals and other role models are dangerous because they will try to recruit people to homosexuality?   Let us be clear: Any adult speaking of his or her sex life with a minor is not appropriate. Some argue that students may wish to be like their teachers given their position of authority and prestige. Sex life being personal and private, of coerce they would. Or are we saying that honor for the rather dubious sporting figures and rock stars. Who better to mentor students that positive role models regardless of sexual attraction? Any positive role model in a position of authority (such as in education, politics, religious institutions, the medical profession, etc.) by their very presence helps to dispel myths and prejudices.

Homosexuals want to lower the age of consent laws for sexual activity so that they can have access to young children and try to convert them: Age of consent laws do not deal specifically with adult-child relations. These laws were created to prevent young people from having sex with each other. There is no justification for the existence of separate age of consent laws according to one's sexual orientation. Any audit-child sexual relationship regardless of the sexual orientation is wrong and is currently a criminal act.

Gay men tend to be pedophiles and child molesters: No and no. Yes, perpetrators of child sexual abuse are overwhelmingly men. The abuser is usually a member of the child's family or someone known by the family. Pedophiles, men who have a sexual preference for children, constitute less than 1% of the adult male population. Pedophiles are quite distinct from adult gay men who prefer an adult sexual partner just as heterosexual prefer an adult partner. Studies have shown no correlation between a man's sexual orientation and a tendency to sexually abuse children. Statically, Heterosexual men are twice as likely to sexually abuse children as homosexual men are. There is solid evidence that over 92% of child abuse cases, including same gender sexual abuse, are perpetrated by heterosexuals.

Can people be forced or convinced to change from gay to straight or the other way around? Again, it’s important to understand the differences between same gender feelings desires and inclinations, and the chosen behaviors. Behaviors can be changed or controlled with the correct motivation. Most agree that sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior, orientation referring to feelings and self-concept, and that all people may or may not express their sexual orientation through their behaviors. *The American Psychological Association, Fact Sheet, “Psychology and You,”

I think I might be gay. How will I know if I really am?   You will eventually figure it out. It is such a personal issue. We as are blessed with gifts of the spirit – revelation given to us personally. The line of authority may go through our parents – they can get revelation concerning what action they should take, as well as your bishop. Use these resources. The process may take a long time, and the decisions you make may be difficult for you, but what an exciting journey! add

How do I “come out” and when is it appropriate?   As a Mormon, is it appropriate to “come out”? Yes it is. You may not want to take out an ad in the cinema section of the Sunday paper, but you wouldn’t do that to announce your “Hetro” life either. Tell anyone who cares about you or anyone who has a need to know. As with any other personal information, where, when and with whom you tell about your sexuality is your decision solely. It’s important and healthy for you to share your feelings with appropriate others. If you feel you can’t tell your parents, talk to a friend or a bishop or someone else you trust. Sometimes, the Grandma Ruby’s of the world can surprise you. It’s possible that the people who are closest to you already know and are waiting for you to be comfortable enough to talk about it. May the Lord bless you.

Thankful to be Gay

2010-11-25T02:00:00.009-07:00

How do you steer this thing?

I made a decision some time ago that I was not going to pursue any further relationship with the gay lifestyle/way of life. I would not pursue sexual relationships with men, nor would I remain tied socially to those of my friends who did. Part of that promise, sadly, became easier to follow through with as several of my closest friends died of AIDS related illnesses. Most of the rest of them thought that either I would be back after a quick conservative Sunday sabbatical, or that I was a weak minded freak that actually could be lead away on whims - this time by the Mormon church.
When anyone makes a decision in his life, it becomes like jumping of a plane with a parachute. The wind and currents, despite the best efforts of the one gliding will take one in directions never imagined once that first commitment was made.

Since I mad my commitment to not pursue that as a style of living or way of attraction, or even a culture, my life has taken twists and turns - many frightening, many lovely. I am not where I saw myself to be in ten years, but neither am I in a wrong or bad place. I am better off for the choices I made. I hope my family feels the same.

This year my thanksgiving thoughts are not thinly veiled wishes or further needs discussed in prayer. When I say thank you for what I have, I mean it. I don't really need much more to make me happy. Little more money, little more time perhaps, little more kindness shown and doled out from me certainly. But I am happy.

Never thought I would ever say that when I was younger and in the throws of SGA. Maybe the idea of given ourselves to Him was the thing to do and to continue. It seems like he is willing to keep his promises when we do.

Being gay has given me a lot that I would never have developed had I bean born straight. I believe that I am what I am today because of the challenges God gave me - all of them. I believe that we grow from facing challenges head on, when we own them, when we embrace them. I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you.

Absence of Normal

2010-11-22T23:10:00.005-07:00

Not this obvious, but just about right, statistically

There was no way to get information on SAME GENDER ATTRACTION when I was growing up. SGA didn't exist. Gay and Homosexual weren't terms bantered about either. No "on line", no subscriptions to anything liberal enough to explain things to me other than national Geographic, no USA Today in lovely colors. In other words, and let me be clear, there was nothing. There was nothing and nobody to tell me not to worry about not being normal or not, or that I was more normal than I thought, or even that I had an unhealthy obsession with normal. I was gay. Apparently 10%-ish of us were.

Since 10%ish of the population is homosexual today - one out of every ten-ish persons, why don't we recognize Same Gender Attraction as part of normal - at least on tenth a part of it at least. (Again with the normal thing. Normal should be a non-issue. I think my Garfield bobble-head on the dashboard is normal. My wife would differ).

As far as the 10% is concerned, this figure comes from an analysis of interviews conducted from 1938 to 1948 under the supervision of Alfred Kinsey where 10 percent of men interviewed claimed to be homosexual. The study considered only male behavior and thus the 10 percent figure cannot be applied to the half of the population who are women. Mr. Kinsey bases his claims on his figures from a pool of 5,300 male subjects that he represented as your average "Joe College" student. Many of the men who gave him the data, it is claimed appear to be of suspect employment and moral behavior, consisting of sex offenders, prison inmates, etc. Dr. Judith Reisman, "Kinsey and the Homosexual Revolution," The Journal of Human Sexuality (Carrollton, Tex.: Lewis and Stanley, 1996)

The Kinsey study itself stated that less than 4 percent of men are homosexual based on long term behavior vs. adolescent experimentation. Other reports are much more conservative in number (2.3% - The National Survey of Men) (Stuart H. Seidman, and Ronald O. Reider "A Review of Sexual Behavior in the United States" The American Journal of Psychiatry. Vol. 151, Number . , 1994. Page(s) 330-339)

(1.8 to 3% - Harrell, R. et al (1999) A Co-twin Control Study in Adult Men" Archives of General Psychiatry. 56, 10: 867-874 Edward O. Laumann, John H. Gagnon, Robert T. Michael and Stuart Michaels, The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1994. John O. G. Billy, et al., "The Sexual Behavior of Men in the United States," Family Planning Perspectives 25 (March/April 1993): 58. J. Gordon Muir, "Homosexuals and the 10 percent Fallacy," Wall Street Journal (March 31, 1993). Milton Diamond, "Homosexuality and Bisexuality in Different Populations," Archives of Sexual Behavior 22 (1993): 300) - More current studies indicate that homosexuals comprise between 1 to 3% of the population. (J. Gordon Muir, "Homosexuals and the 10 % Fallacy," Wall Street Journal (March 31, 1993)

Hold on - we're going someplace. The exact percentages of those SGA in the general population is, as you can imagine difficult to determine precisely because many feel reluctant or fearful to attach that label and identify themselves publicly. For decades, the percentage has been thought by many to be more than the nationally accepted number of 3%. At approximately nine to ten percent for men; Conservatives claim lower numbers, liberals claim higher. In the church the problem is magnified. No one knows with absolute certainty. I state here, for the record and with relative assuredly that I know more than twelve. ‘Most lesbian and gay people do not proclaim their sexuality – they are an invisible minority.” - U.S. Catholic: “An Interview with Sr. Jeannine Gramick, SSND,” August, 1992

Okay, so 10%-ish looks a bit over done. Honestly, does the percentage really matter? As long as there is one person dealing with SGA, we as a church and as individuals in the church will be there for them.

All this science and statistics is interesting enough. However, lets look at another figure that may hit closer to home. How many who deal with SGA are there currently in the Mormon Church?

Channel 2 News in a report done at the end of October of this year says that statistically, there are 6 to 8 members of each LDS ward who deal with SGA.

Six to eight. In each ward. In the entire LDS church. Sounds normal to me.

If Only, If Only...

2010-11-16T01:04:00.002-07:00

A recent article concerning the LDS community and their recent stance on homosexuality states that...

"Rather than just embracing homosexuality and adjusting their religious beliefs to the realities of the world, they (The General Authorities) have decided that it is alright to send mixed signals and tell young women and men that it is alright to be something, but they have to hide that they are. Such attitudes lead to really idiotic and even very dangerous behaviors such as hooking up with complete strangers for sex, and a tendency to do drugs and alcohol. It even leads to suicides.

Normally I don't criticize these articles - my thought process being that any exposure is good exposure and we can change mind with all kinds of tools. Miss information isn't a tool, however. The church of Jesus Christ doesn't follow the whims of the world, nor does it adjust policy to coincide with changing "realities" of the world. Also, No one gay or straight is being asked to hide who or what they are. There are no secret underground meetings for gays and Mormons so that the general populace is not offended. And third, following moral standards set by the prophets in conjunction with coming out with Same Gender Attraction - as those LDS now call it does not make one prone to suicide. We are saddened with all those who choose to end their life, and we pray to have created personal and lasting relationships with those considering it.
.
It also states that celibate lesbian and gay Mormons who are worthy and qualified should be allowed to have callings or church assignments, and to participate fully in the temple,” according to Peggy Fletcher Stack of the The Salt Lake Tribune. This version of the handbook repeats what Mormon leaders have been saying recently, making it more clear for members and interested others to understand.

This is not a new stance. David Pruden of Evergreen International, support group that aims to help LGBT Mormons live by the church’s standards, noted that in the past, if a lesbian or gay Mormon told his bishop about her or his same-sex attractions, that the bishop may have called a “disciplinary council.” He also said “Many bishops didnt understand something that was new and possibly foreign to them.

Pruden believes that the new language “will bless people by making it easier for them to come forward.”

Mitch Mayne, an openly and actively gay Mormon, feels that the changes are “baby steps in the right direction”. “At least the handbook takes the damning terminology out of it.” Mr. Mayne did note that so long as the Mormon church continues to make homosexuality something that is “subversive, taboo” that Mormon gays will have sex in parks and truck stops. He stated “We wrap being gay in so much shame and shame brings acting-out behaviors.

Are these comments contrary to anything read before on the matter? If there is a cap placed on a behavior, will there be some to try to go around, or through it?

Prohibition, anyone? Utah Fireworks? Outside food in theatres?

There will still be close encounters in park restrooms, or in a bathroom at the Y. Having free agency means that there may be a lot not to write home to mama about. There will also be those who feel that they are "less that" and our job will be to get to these people and give them needed support and love. With the new words comes more acceptance that we are all sinners, and that my sin my be just as weighty as yours.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/13/mormons-soften-language-o_n_782959.html

Straight and Loving It! (Any Better?)

2010-11-13T00:01:00.002-07:00

Super Butch isnt so convincing for me, but here is a shot.

My wife say my blog today and was a little upset with me. Apparently, though she knew I was a freaky blogger and she knew the topic, the name of the blog had eluded her: GayMormonMan -Priesthood Men.

She has known since I started writing the blog that I was subjecting being gay and Mormon and trying to make the two work. She knows I have gone through a life of active, RM, BYU dude, Mormon Performer/entertainer/writer and now husband and father all while being homosexual. This was not a surprise to her. But the title of the blog was.

First things first. I am a little concerned that she hasn't been reading my stuff, though this may not be so huge because she is helping me edit the book coming out next year.

I think its just seeing Gay and Mormon in a place of predominance on the blog. Maybe she thought it would be on the second page at least. The problem having the subject matter be on the second page is that who on earth would know what the blog was about. There isn't much room for subtlety. I added Priesthood Men onto the title because I wanted potential readers to know in what direction I was leaning - toward the church.

I am not well know enough to just use my name - like Oprah! CAL THOMPSON! just doesn't have the oomph to pull it off. My book will come out, and that may help as its about Homosexuals in the church, and the church for homosexuals. It is based on a lot of my own experiences. Maybe then I will get to call the blog something less descriptive, like Happy Mormon Men. ...ummmm, no. How about "Thompson Time!

I don't know. Maybe I'll just stick to Oprah.

The Brothers Dumb

2010-11-09T00:54:00.000-07:00

Not As Difficult as You Would Think

My younger brothers believed that their massive IQ’s were far over and above a regular board game, so they combined several of them to create something that they felt resembled a challenge for their dizzying, sometime dazzling intellect. While I was home from college they spent the entire Christmas break playing it in the basement. The game was rather convoluted and involved duct tape, dressing up in tunics, capes and other outfits they’d filched fro my box of Camelot costumes. (I am sure pasty skin and furs in medieval times were all the rage, but I will stick with Velcro and personal hygiene, thank you.)
There appeared to be many levels to this super-game, and many combinations of characters and possible scenarios. I only ventured down into their lair once over the holiday, and didn’t let go of the iron rod (the stair rail) incase I was swallowed up. I just remember being marveled at how their teeth looked so green under a black light.

Here is the point, and yes I have one. Does anyone think that there mortal existence is going to be any less complicated than my brothers basement board game? There are thousands of situations and locations and personalities and challenges and villains and heroes, and companions and countries to invade and the list goes on – even eliminate the weird stuff. Turn a corner and fight the sloth dragon, turn right and schmooze the alien ambassador of Muir. and his lovely wife, Ulla.

I am into options these days - bring me the most for my money, the best productivity for my time spent. There are hundreds of combinations of possible options available for the SGAttracted Mormon. To knot acknowledge that there are more than just active, not active, name off records would be as dim as me hollering down to my brothers “So,...what’ch still doing down there?”

Categories, levels, personalities, social networks, spiritual beliefs, differences in SGA, and homosexuals of the church in and out. In this blog when we speak of options, we are speaking of the range of basic choices for those who are homosexual and believe that the Mormon Church is the organization to best assist them in their lives.

There are those SGAttracted who wish to remain in possession of, or strive to obtain a temple recommend. Homosexuality and church membership are not necessarily opposing in purpose.

Often the hold up is those watching the proceedings from the side. There is a need for black or white in our society, for yes or no, “for here” or “to go”. Case in point, try telling a cashier at a fast food restaurant that you want your cheeseburgers and onion rings “to go” but your fries, chicken wings and fry sauce on a “for here” tray. You will blow minds. Society is most comfortable with one or the other, pigeon hole A or pigeon hole B. Things that don’t fit, just don’t fit for us anywhere.

As far as SGAttraction goes, it may similarly be not all one or all the other. Can you imagine a guy in Lycra muscle shirt who believes the church is true? I can. A returned missionary dancing the night away who is still able to teach his quorum lesion with the spirit in the morning? It happens. Or imagine homosexuals in a commented relationship possibly with kids who want to go to fast and testimony meeting? I know several. Things that didn’t at first seem to fit are sometimes fitting - options and choices at every turn.

I try to consider all possibilities and options dealing with and writing about different avenues of living and the many categories of attraction – specificity, as you might imagine, for homosexuals. I don’t feel the need for a written disclaimer somewhere here – one that says that we recognize agency, and options acknowledged here are not to be considered an endorsement – except I just did.

So, where are you in life? What options are you making use of? Have you combined SGA (or its older or mor recent semantic incarnations) and activity in the LDS church?

How do you make it happen?

Mormon Church Responds to HRC Petition

2010-10-21T01:17:00.000-06:00

Here are two important quotes from the statement made by the LDS Church through a statement realised as a petition was turned in from the HRC.

Some expected this to come out during general conference from the podium. It is a bit late in coming, and the doctrine of "feelings are different from behaviors" has not changed. It is still nice to hear these things officially.

"While we disagree with the Human Rights Campaign on many fundamentals, we also share some common ground. This past week we have all witnessed tragic deaths across the country as a result of bullying or intimidation of gay young men. We join our voice with others in unreserved condemnation of acts of cruelty or attempts to belittle or mock any group or individual that is different – whether those differences arise from race, religion, mental challenges, social status, sexual orientation or for any other reason. Such actions simply have no place in our society."

"As a church, our doctrinal position is clear: any sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong, and we define marriage as between a man and a woman. However, that should never, ever be used as justification for unkindness. Jesus Christ, whom we follow, was clear in His condemnation of sexual immorality, but never cruel. His interest was always to lift the individual, never to tear down."

To read the release you have but to click.

Church Responds to HRC Petition

The Worth of a Word - A Timely FYI

2010-10-08T18:19:00.003-06:00

Love ya Elder Packer

SALT LAKE CITY (ABC 4 News) – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has changed the text of Boyd K. Packer’s sermon on morality, homosexuality and same-sex marriage. Packer’s sermon claimed that homosexuality was not born of inbred “tendencies.” In the Church’s online text version of Packer’s talk, the word “tendencies” was changed to “temptations.”

During his original talk, Elder Packer spoke of homosexual tendencies saying, "Some suppose that they were pre- set and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural. Not so. Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? Remember, he is our Father.”

Another change to Packer’s talk includes the omission of the entire sentence, “Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?”

Also on Thursday night, the Church released a statement about the protest, saying:
“Of course, the Church recognizes the right of groups to voice their opinion in the public square. However, those familiar with the Church’s doctrine on the importance of marriage and family know it is based on principles of respect and love for all of God’s children. We have continually emphasized that there is no room in this discussion for hatred or mistreatment of anyone.”

UPDATE: Late Friday evening, Scott Trotter, LDS Church spokesman, released the following statement regarding the edits made in Elder Packer's talk: “The Monday following every General Conference, each speaker has the opportunity to make any edits necessary to clarify differences between what was written and what was delivered or to clarify the speaker’sintent. President Packer has simply clarified his intent. As we have said repeatedly, the Church’s position on marriage and family is clear and consistent. It is based on respect and love for all of God’schildren.”

Though is is not uncommon for a talk to have edits between the time spoken and the time available in print, I think this is may cautiously be considered progress. Elder Packer has taken some of the harshness out. He talk mentioned that moral standards do not change, and they didn't. But his wording did. He could have easily let it be - I don't see him as one to cave in to public opinion. The changes were made because it was the right thing to do.

Elder Packer has always been known as the champion of the working man, and this edit seems true to form.

News 4 Utah Connection

Jenny, Emma, and Idaho

2010-10-07T23:50:00.003-06:00

In honor of Jenny

I thought I would pass along a letter I received today from my friend Jenny (not as nice a name as her real one) – who kindly granted permission. I think the questions she raises are important as all get-out.

Hey- (Jenny is from Idaho where this is an acceptable greeting)

Help me to understand this, the talk by Elder Packer. I really thought the LDS church had moved past his kind of rhetoric. The reports of the G.A (Larsen) who spent time with church members in California was so encouraging- I knew that it wasn't going to make the church change course but it was heartening to read that the leadership was tuning in to the concern of families and friends over Prop 8.

I've heard from some folks that, “well it's just BKP- that's how he is. He was in his heyday a racist, sexist man”. It troubles me deeply that the brethren allowed him to give this talk. I have been thinking about it and what if it was black people he was talking about? What if it was my bi-racial son? Would the people I love, the people who love my son be okay with what was said?

I'm not suggesting that BKP was advocating hate, intolerance or anything like that but hearing a message, "over the pulpit" does do a couple of things:

1) For gay member or those who are dealing with SSA (using your lingo) what this says to them is, if you're not over it then you don't have enough faith. What is enough faith? It's like when my father had a huge dealy brain tumor and people would tell me that faith can heal and create miracles. So, what does that say to his family and loved ones that he died within the time-frame expected from this dealy tumor? That we didn't love our father enough or have enough faith for him to make a full recovery? And what does it say about the dozens, yes dozens, of young men and women I've known throughout my life who on bended and humble knees asked for the burden of homosexuality to be lifted and have failed?

2) Because the average church member doesn't understand the dynamics of being gay, hearing BKP say what he said about sexual orientation, they will think “yeah, get over it”. I think that viewpoint breeds intolerance in an already homophobic group of people.

I also think it was extraordinarily insensitive to give that talk in the wake of numerous suicides last week.

I have never considered having my name removed from the church..but in the aftermath of this I'm really thinking about it. I am angry, hurt, offended and I'm not sure I can get past this one.

I had to vent to someone on the inside.
-Jenny

Jenny, these are questions that thousands of us have, and I am thrilled that you would want to talk about them. I wish I was all wise and stuff. I will do my best to let you know how I feel about the events.

First up, I just read a biography of Mother Teresa in which states the she struggled throughout her career (Do nuns have careers?) with her relationship with the savior – wondering if she was committed enough.

Would anyone dare to think less of her because she had doubts and questions? Why do we freak out a little when we do, or when we run upon issues that cause us to re-evaluate our beliefs? I am grateful for Elder Packers talk, if only for one reason – it is getting people talking about Mormons and homosexuals. (Gays, SGAers,…whatever term you use)

Second, I am just a guy, and forth, I am not all that bright. I will say this. I believe that God is God, and after that knowledge things fall into place a little for me. I don’t know if Elder Packer meant to be insensitive. But he was. I don’t like it that he was. If he was my grampa I would say to him that he needed to go take his pill and have a nap before he tried to speak to any group anymore. But he is not my grampa, he is a General Authority. Does he speak for the Lord? I believe that he does. Would the Lord allow him to be as insensitive as I feel he was? Apparently yes.

Brigham Young, anyone? I believe he spoke for the Lord. He, like Elder Packer was a man. He was, according to dozens of accounts, a bit arrogant and in your face. One of the reasons Emma Smith choose to stay east was due to her poor relationship with Brigham Young. She didn’t like him much. How disrespectful is that? Did Brother Brigham speak for the Lord when he spoke for the Lord? Yes. Was he also insensitive at times? By all accounts, yup.

Ezra Taft Benson was blue, which was the original red. That is to say, he was very conservative republican and, for those who remember, political and out spoken. He put the fear of God into people. Many were afraid that when he became the prophet his politics would become policy. However, as prophet his personal political leanings stayed personal. I always felt this was because he became a spokesman for new polices - those of the Lord, and that these overruled his personal opinions.

Many question what would happen if Elder Packer became the prophet. Would the church become as ridged as he appears to be? We are told that the Lord will not allow the prophet to lead us astray. Does Elder Packer's being "a prophet" count as "The prophet"? I don't know. But I do know that every Apostle that has ever lived has had a personality, and some of them were not very PC. Elijah taunted the Queen and her people on Mount Carmel for heavens sake. Jonah ran like the wind and sank like a stone.

Elder Packers remarks may have been even harder for those of us in gayland to take when we realize that some of us - a lot of us - were hoping for something kinder and gentler out of conference due to recent events in the church and by some church leaders and in reaction to the week’s tragic events with several gay youth. I was hoping for acceptance - not just tolerance, but downright acceptance and fellowship. Honestly, I got that from 99 percent of the talks. Some made me hopeful and excited and loved – even when there was chastisement involved. The priesthood session was one of my favorites of all time. I think secretly we were hoping for something a bit more all encompassing.

It may boil down to this. If you have been a member you understand the relationship we can have personally with the Savior. This is the time to test that. The gift of the Holy Ghost is for THIS VERY THING. Even if we feel unworthy, the spirit of the Lord can testify to us.

The questions you have are excellent questions, and I know there are more where they came from. I have them, too. We must ask the Lord with sincerity and faith that HE will and can answer us. If ever there was a time for the assurance of the spirit, THIS IS IT!

Let’s leave this somewhat open for respectful discussion.

Questions? Answers

And Now, A Breather...

2010-10-06T13:47:00.003-06:00

If we seek to change anything but our own disposition, we will only multiply the griefs we purpose to remove.

I think this was said by Ben Franklin. Or maybe it was Gandhi...Oh heck, I don't remember. Some one bald if I recall. I suppose this quote is the intellectual equivalent of "If you chance to meet a frown...".

So, this week may prove to be a tough one. Frankly put, we can come out of it with stronger testimonies of the Gospel, or not. We may start next week with a better understanding of the world and our place in it, or a sinking feeling in the pit of our stomachs.

I encourage you, in light of conference and the things said, to get on your knees, or at least keep a prayer in your heart that the spirit will let you know through his famous subtlety what is needed to get you where you want to go and where your particular focus should lie.

It may indeed be your miracle week.

Into the Fire

2010-10-04T15:13:00.003-06:00

I am thrilled. Thrilled, I tell you. What an opportunity to gather information, promote a worthy cause, and to bring an issue that is near and nearer to our hearts further out of the closet and into lives. I'm not trying to get all Pollyanna on you. I genuinely think that great good can come out of SLC and General Conference for all of us - not just those of a red right vantage.

Because we are not afraid of opposing opinions, lets hear what others have to say...

HRC to Mormon Apostle: Your Statements are Inaccurate and Dangerous - Mormon Leader’s Inaccurate Statements Yesterday Fuel Anti-LGBT Violence, Teen Suicides10/4/2010

Washington – The Human Rights Campaign (HRC), the nation’s largest civil rights organization dedicated to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) equality, today called on Boyd K. Packer, the president of the Mormon Church’s Quorum of Twelve Apostles, to correct statements he made yesterday calling same-sex attraction “impure and unnatural,” claiming that it can be corrected and characterizing same-sex marriage as immoral. Packer’s inaccurate and dangerous rhetoric comes on the heels of the suicides of at least four teenagers over the past month, all victims of anti-gay bullying or harassment. An additional seven teens committed suicide in the past year in one Minnesota school district alone; three of the teens’ suicides were connected to anti-gay bullying. Packer, who is 86 and one of the church’s most senior leaders, made his statements to a crowd of 20,000 – and millions more watching via satellite transmission -- during the church’s 180th Semi-annual General Conference in Salt Lake City.

“Words have consequences, particularly when they come from a faith leader. This is exactly the kind of statement that can lead some kids to bully and others to commit suicide,” said Joe Solmonese, president of HRC. “When a faith leader tells gay people that they are a mistake because God would never have made them that way and they don’t deserve love, it sends a very powerful message that violence and/or discrimination against LGBT people is acceptable. It also emotionally devastates those who are LGBT or may be struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identify. His words were not only inaccurate, they were also dangerous.”

As a church leader immersed in these issues, Packer should know better. The American Psychological Association and American Psychiatric Association have both concluded that same-sex attraction is normal and that “reparative” therapy – like the kind being advocated by the Mormon Church -- is unhealthy and harmful. This is not the first instance in which the church has spewed lies related to same-sex orientation. Last summer, another senior member of the church’s hierarchy, promised that same-sex attraction could be cured. “If you are faithful, on resurrection morning – and maybe even before then – you will rise with normal attractions for the opposite sex,” Mormon Church leader Bruce Haffen told a conference.

Packer also took the opportunity to dismiss efforts toward marriage equality as ones that “legalize immorality.” Ominously during this speech, the apostle declared that the church hierarchy’s opposition to marriage equality “…will not change.” As HRC has chronicled on its website www.NOMExposed.org, the Mormon Church is a key funder of the so-called National Organization for Marriage (NOM), a powerful fringe group that regularly encourages anti-gay attitudes and behaviors. The church was also a prime funder of efforts to pass Prop. 8 in California. NOM board member and famous Mormon writer, Orson Scott Card, has said, “Any government that attempts to change it [marriage] is my mortal enemy. I will act to destroy that government and bring it down, so it can be replaced with a government that will respect and support marriage…”

"Elder Packer's remarks in General Conference were not only ill-advised and contrary to fact, but were mean-spirited and will be perceived by many as bullying,” said David Melson, Executive Director of Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons. “We see no potential for good coming from his words and much possible damage, to the church, to individuals, and to families. The LDS Church should be a source of love, compassion, and conciliation, and not of fear and unfeeling petty hatred."

My concern is that people will read the many commentary's which will be presented this week, combine them with the Prop 8 political fiasco and decide that the LDS church, as either a spiritual or a political/temporal entente is uncaring and unfeeling - which has not been my experience. My larger fear is that SGAttracted young men and women will glean from all commentary and original comments made by EBKPacker that anyone considers them to be less than, or damaged.

As a quick Side bar, my father has experienced what I fear is becoming a standard for men. He was once outspoken, grandiose and aggressive in his political views and moral stances - even with his friends and family. It was, honestly, rather off-putting. He then seemed to develop a kind of political correctness that made his stances less offencive. As I understand it, his views didn't change, but his approach became kinder. I liked him better. I didn't cringe when he spoke to a group of people. Now he is older and wiser - but he has gone back to rude and confrontational. Where I may have listened politely to what he had to say when he was being "nice dad", I now have little tolerance for his assaults. I talk to him less and less.

Put into context, there is nothing that was said during this conference that has not been said before. I may or may not be ecstatic at the manner in which this was presented - especially in conjunction with the horrors that have been perpetrated toward young SGA men this last week, but the doctrine has been consistent. Take away the abrasive manner in which this talk was given (I cant say as Abinadi to Noah was any more silver tongued) and the principals are correct. Homosexual behaviors, BEHAVIORS, PEOPLE!, are contrary to the Lords plan. (As in, I may want to smack my mother-in-law, but I am only in trouble if I actually do it.)

However, and I cant believe I still have to make this stipulation, Homosexuals are not contrary to the Lords plan. Homosexuals are not less-than. Gays are not inferior to straights. Being heterosexual does not give you a leg up, or a head start to heaven. This is not a contest, people!

My Heavenly Father is the same as your Father. He made me with love and kindness and purpose - just like he did you.

Here's the rub (there is always a rub) I am GAY! No butts about it. I am also a believing true blue dyed in the wool Latter day Saint. Let me go out on the same limb I named myself Gay with (a term not PC anymore) and say I am a Mormon. I wear the clothing. I went to BYU. I take the sacrament and teach Sunday school. Still gay, gay gay. Yet I understood what BKPacker was saying. I knew what he was going to say before he said it. He has always been a bit in-your-face, and where he stands on issues is not going to change because he is now sitting.

Look at the doctrine.

No, it wasn't as soft or as fuzzy as if the talk had been interpreted by Elder...well, Elder Soft and Fuzzy. (You know who you are!) It may have been a little over the top for me as a SGAttracted individual, but I will get over it and not use it as an excuse to take a detour.

I will still follow the prophet.

U.S. News - Mormon Leader Preaches Gays Can Change

2010-10-04T00:41:00.000-06:00

;

Published: Oct. 3, 2010 at 10:44 PM
SALT LAKE CITY, Oct. 3 (UPI) -- A senior Mormon leader said in a sermon Sunday in Salt Lake City same-sex attraction can be overcome and non-heterosexual unions are morally wrong.

Boyd K. Packer, the 86-year-old president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' Quorum of Twelve Apostles and considered next in line to be president of the church, rejected the position gays are "pre-set and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural."

"Not so! Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?" Packer said. "Remember he is our father."

Packer told more than 20,000 church members at the LDS Conference Center and millions more watching the church's 180th Annual General Conference via satellite those who advocate legalizing same-sex marriage seek to "legalize immorality," The Salt Lake Tribune
reported.

"A law against nature would be impossible to enforce," he said. "Do you think a vote to repeal the law of gravity would do any good?"

Packer's sermon drew from the church's 1995 declaration, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World," to back his contention that the power to create offspring "is not an incidental part of the plan of happiness," but "the very key."

Of course this is what we latched onto. Maybe this is the miracle we needed. These are selective quotes from the conference talk. Reading the entire talk is better, but my understanding is that it is not out until Thursday. This will give us time to ponder and discuss.

So, O ye of SGAttraction, gays, homosexuals and/or the people who are foolish enough to love us, what say you?

Miracule Week is brought to You By: Diet Coke

2010-10-02T23:50:00.010-06:00

Maybe I was looking for something. I wouldn't put it past me to sit back and wait. I will met you halfway as long as I see you starting first.  I've done that sorta thing before. Its a little arrogant, but it works at times.

Ive been such a stanch supporter of the General authorities these last several months that I may have felt a bit entitled today just to sit and wait for the show to come to me - like when you have a free ticket to a performance or when you have heard how good a movie is - somehow it has to exceed all expectations in order to pacify.   I was wanting the conference crew to do well, to say the right things, to explain why suddenly it is very unpopular to be a Mormon in the wake of Prop 8.

I think I was secretly looking for a fire to be lit under a soaking wet offering burning it to a crisp so I could say I told you so to all my friends who are on the other side of so many issues. I wanted to have something that I could hold up and wave and say - we have something too that makes us valid and just as important.

There was no banner waved. There was no fire.   Nor was there a sea parted, mountains moved - not one seagull devoured so much as a hamburger bun let alone a cricket while I watched.

And it didn't start off well. The one general authority with whom I have had a personal relationship was moved to Emeritus statues. So no more special treatment.

But then the talks came one by one. Non-pretentious, straight forward, unwavering and affirming. Repent so you can holds gods priesthood power, modern day prophets are key, wisdom of the world is secondary to knowledge of God, empowerment, inclusion - the only thing mission was a chorus of the sisters sledge and "We Are Family". Its only day one and I have had so much of what I've needed. Leave aside pridfullness, always wear shoes around scorpions, good choices beget good choices - all things I need to fill gaps I have been working on for the last six months.

So, I feel good about recommending conference - even two more sessions at two hours a pop - Just as long as you can do something with your hands like make sill putty animals or play majong. I have actually had to resort to bringing my diet coke/mountain Dew Red to Priesthood session- to my bishops chagrin.

So, boys, Miracle week is in full swing. So don't be shy. Find your miracle. Make it happen.
And when its all over, I will tell you mine if you tell me yours.

Love the Quarterback, Hate the Pass

2010-10-01T23:16:00.002-06:00

It is conference weekend and already I am in a spiritual quandary. Actually, conference weekend doesn't begin until Saturday, but I sit here listening to Greg Wrubell on the sports radio channel in tears: Big sad spiritual waterings of the soul tears. The question I have for God is this:

How do I love my team and hate the losing?

I am taking down the BYU flag I have hung for every game since Bronco Mendenhall was resurrected out of the dole drums of Jr staffing, thinking about how much I liked him immediately. After all, his name was Bronco. I have watched as he drove a Harley around Utah County for good cause, and defend Austin Collie when the youngster was a tiny bit zelot-ish. I have listened to his kidney cars commercials and smiled to myself remembering that he was a man made for other things that personal appearance's and reading in public. He is the man to lead my team to glory - even now that we are 1 and 4 on the year.

I am folding the flag to put away for next week. Did I take my flag down a little more quickly after the game was over? Do I need to wash it out to get some of the bad luck dirt out? What do I do, being proactive, to further my team to greatness. I am willing to bear some of the responsibility. There is no need to get down on Bronco or any of the coaching staff for these losses. I am a faithful latter day saint. I pay ten percent of my income to the church in tithes. Let me be the one to take the brunt, let me offer myself when the questions come from the unfeeling press.

It was my fault the offence couldn't get its collective head out of the hole. The blame is mine that the true freshman Quarterback is drooling on the ball so that it slips out of the hands of capable receivers.

So put up my photo on the wall next to Lavell and Gary and Bronco and toss the darts at me. If I has done what I know to do from my gospel doctrine class I would have had enough faith to move mountains or at least to move the ball on a third down and two. My faith could have redirected rivers, called down the heavens or added some stick to a few passes for JJ De.

WTF?: Where's The Faith? Where was the faith of so many of the righteous brethren and cistern of the state. How do we learn from our mistakes so that these poor men who weigh over 250 pounds and eat bison for breakfast wont starve emotional and spiritually and remember the training of their forefathers and the smack talk of their fore mothers and girlfriends.

How do I become a proactive peace of the solution instead of the beaten down old man who wears his BYU Football tie to priesthood session but has to sit in the back where it's dark and everyone is on their Ipads. How to I drag myself out of bed to rise and shout for a team that got beat by...Utah State - there, I've said it!

Maybe I should Join the Catholics as an honorary leprechaun. I love me my Lucky Charms, and I can pretend that genuflecting is just a cheer. At least it doesn't seem to matter when their school looses. - mostly due to what I think is a healthy sense of self, but may also because they get silly snookered after the games. We'll just call Cosmo "Lucky" and make him carry around a pot of gold.

Go BYIrish!

Please, Not Again

2010-09-29T22:55:00.004-06:00

Asher Brown’s family has invited everyone to attend the memorial service which will be held from 10am to 2pm this Saturday at Lakewood Forest Drive in Houston. The dress code is light. Shorts, flip flops, T-shirts are allowed and encouraged, which is “just the way 13 year old Asher would have wanted it.
       Asher Brown's newly worn-out tennis shoes are sitting in the living room of his Cypress-area home while his student progress report — filled with straight A's — sit next to them on the on the coffee table.
       The eighth-grader killed himself last week. He shot himself in the head after enduring what his mother and stepfather say was constant harassment from four other students at Hamilton Middle School in the Cypress-Fairbanks Independent School District.
       Brown, his family said, was "bullied to death" — picked on for his small size, his religion and because he did not wear designer clothes and shoes. Kids also accused him of being gay, some of them performing mock gay acts on him in his physical education class, his mother and stepfather said. The 13-year-old's parents said they had complained about the bullying to Hamilton Middle School officials during the past 18 months, but claimed their concerns fell on deaf ears.
       David and Amy Truong said they made several visits to the school to complain about the harassment, and Amy Truong said she made numerous phone calls to the school that were never returned.
       School district spokeswoman Kelli Durham, whose husband Alan Durham is a Hamilton assistant principal, said no students, school employees or the boy's parents ever reported that he was being bullied. That statement infuriated the Truongs, who accused the school district of protecting the bullies and their parents.
       "That's absolutely inaccurate — it's completely false," Amy Truong said. "I did not hallucinate phone calls to counselors and assistant principals. We have no reason to make this up. … It's like they're calling us liars." David Truong said, "We want justice. The people here need to be held responsible and to be stopped. It did happen. There are witnesses everywhere."
       Numerous comments from parents and students on the Web site of KRIV-TV Channel 26, which also reported a story about Brown's death, stated that the boy had been bullied by classmates for several years and claimed Cy-Fair ISD does nothing to stop such harassment.
       Durham said the school counselor and an assistant principal received an e-mail from Amy Truong earlier this month, asking them to keep an eye on her son, but Durham said it was because of ongoing concerns at home and not about bullying.
       Brown was found dead on the floor of his stepfather's closet at the family's home in the 11700 block of Cypresswood about 4:30 p.m. Thursday. He used his stepfather's 9 mm Beretta, stored on one of the closet's shelves, to kill himself. He left no note. David Truong found the teen's body when he arrived home from work. On the morning of his death, the teen told his stepfather he was gay, but Truong said he was fine with the disclosure. "We didn't condemn," he said.
        His parents said Brown had been called names and endured harassment from other students since he joined Cy-Fair ISD two years ago. As a result, he stuck with a small group of friends who suffered similar harassment from other students, his parents said.
       His most recent humiliation occurred the day before his suicide, when another student tripped Brown as he walked down a flight of stairs at the school, his parents said.
       When Brown hit the stairway landing and went to retrieve his book bag, the other student kicked his books everywhere and kicked Brown down the remaining flight of stairs, the Truongs said.Durham said that incident was investigated, but turned up no witnesses or video footage to corroborate the couple's claims.
       The Truongs say they just want the harassment to stop so other students do not suffer like their son did and so another family does not have to endure such a tragedy.
       "Our son is just the extreme case of what happens when (someone is) just relentless," Amy Truong said.
       People can make monetary contributions to Asher Brown’s family by mailing them to Pulse Missions, P.O. Box 570063, Houston, TX77257-0063, or on his uncle, Jonnathan Truong’s web site

       Anyone in the Houston area, Mormon, gay, Mormon and gay - please find a way to pay your respects. May of us are trying to be out and about in order to put a stop to this type of behavior and this line of thinking; that people are somehow disposable.
       We feel for Asher, his family and all who are being abused. May your guardian angels step up. May we be the guardian angels.

Pure Intent

2010-09-27T23:37:00.011-06:00

A recent blog post recently attached alleged excerpts from a talk given by Elder Marlin Jensen. I will re-post without further introduction.

(Published by John Dehlin at Mormon Matters, a report of a special conference & stake conference by Linda Schweidel)

Oakland Stake, September 19
... there was a “by invitation only” meeting with the visiting seventy, Marlin Jensen, about reactions to Prop. 8.... at which non‑gay Mormons, gay Mormons, gay former Mormons, and non‑Mormon gays can all get together and try to understand one another.

... the GA who’s coming to speak has the opportunity to find out if there are any issue of “particular interest” ... who were affected/disaffected by Prop 8. ... and then every other person who got up was eloquent, articulate, and right on point.

... Marlin Jensen sat there and listened. He’d that he appreciated the opportunity [to] come listen and promised to take what he learned “back to the Brethren.” ... after everybody got up, and told of the suffering that Prop 8 had caused – the division, heartache, anger, frustration and pain – and when the last guy who spoke told him that the Mormon church owed the gay community an apology, he stood and said, “To the [extent that] it’s within my power to apologize, I want to tell you that I am sorry. I am very sorry.” People were audibly weeping. ... It was very, very powerful. It felt very healing.

Stake conference was good too. [Stake President Criddle] talked about “extending the tent” and including everyone ... He asked should we go to dinner with couples of the same gender, and love them and accept them? “OF COURSE WE SHOULD!”

I am excited to make this mention and I am pleased that there are conversations happening between factions. I love the brethren, and I feel that they love us. To think that, because of political differences that they are "out to get us" or anyone else is a mistake that at times appears to border on paranoia.

Interesting to not is that Elder Jensen did not apologize for options or politics. He graciously and sincerely apologized for any harm done.

I know that I could benefit from backing off, or backing down and saying I am sorry for hurt feelings or misconceptions or for making anyone feel "Less-Than" or unimportant. I am taking this as seriously as I take any conference talk.

Conference weekend approaches. I encourage anyone who has ties to the church to listen to the General authorities with the intent to forgive and be forgiven.

Something marvelous may happen. Without or within.

Whaa Hoo!

2010-09-17T02:13:00.000-06:00

I must apologize. I wrote a lovely essay to post, and I am going to sit on it - mostly because I am unable to sit. I feel joyful today. Its not that anything monumental is happening or going to happen (knock on wood), but that I just feel good with out upping my doses of caffeine. I am grateful for friends, and family and wife especially. I am grateful for talents the lord blessed me with - and I have a lot. Where I may not have folks I can speak with directly about my SGA -ness, I have a bunch of people to whom I can blog and learn from both. My life is pretty good. Pass the potatoes.

Clear Lines And The Men Who Make Them

2010-09-12T20:35:00.014-06:00

Men who are SGAttracted are to keep the law of chastity.

Men who are OSAttracted are to keep the law of chastity. (I am not thrilled with the designations SGA or OSA, but they are becoming more universal than I thought they ever would, and they seem to serve a purpose other than irritating those SGAed and OSAed)

I was recently asked what I did as a sexual release, to satisfy my urges as a man for a man while I was married and trying to maintain a temple recommend. I will answer this blog-a-locicly because I am hearing it asked more and more frequently. My experience as a brother, son, husband and a father all lead me to the same answer - which has been in the past difficult for me to stand on write with and talk about.

But first, I must mention Cows.

I used to think it was just Mormons who needed to know where the fences were – like cattle in Idaho or enlightened northern areas of Utah. Cows, when turned into a new pasture first check for food. Then they walk the line like an old country song. They are checking out the boundaries. It is not just Mormons. It is not just people of religion.

I am seeing this more and more with people about sex. What’s the rule, where is the boundary, how far can I go. Why can't I go further. Why can't I utilize that pasture over there? While this truly progressive thinking is key to breaking culture barriers and emotional limits - a thing of desire in so many realms, I am seeing its opposite effect in the world of serious relationships and marriage. Many who have evolved to this mindset become as vapid as my bovine friends.

While cows are kept safe this way - keeps them from wandering into roads or into unsafe situations where the owner cannot protect them, humans who circle the emotional relationship fields in search of an out make themselves miserable and are continually discontented. Many then sit and spend the day wondering how to cross the line.

What seems like a few inches can mean all the world - when you are a cow.

I recently had a discussion with my Sunday school class about where the line was for sex – what they can do before having to go to the bishop to confess. I can’t tell you how warped that train of thought is, and yet I ride that same train ALL THE TIME! Yes to French kissing, no to oral sex, yes to over the sweater or over the bra, but no to under. Yes to friction, but no to penetration. Where is the line?

Well folks, the line was back about two pastures back - next to the sign that said, if you are a mindless cow, please reconsider this path. If what you are doing with either Bob or Sue regardless of their gender is for sexual satisfaction, then the line has been crossed. Of course, if a temple recommend is not what you are after, your goals may be different.

So, what do I do as an outlet to keep my temple recommend? As far as sex goes outside my marriage, I don’t. I don’t have something on the side to keep me satisfied while my wife waits for me at home. I cannot choose to have both feet firmly planted on either side of the line, a country mans straddle as it were, even though public opinion increasingly leans in that favor. The lifestyles of the rich and famous says to Do what feels best. There is no reason for marriage today except for public opinion, or to have the appearance of piety.

Which is pretty lame - even if there is a movie, music or sports star headlining the act.

So, you want to be married, and to have a temple recommend and to know where the line is of getting it on the side. Sounds like you are asking the wrong questions. Better ones would be, why am I married? Why do I go to the temple? Why am I looking for a line or a break in the fence? What is it I really want?

Tougher questions, but ones that will mean more in the long run.